It takes a lot of time to organize Qin Ciyan's life-long writings.

Doctors are often very busy, Xie Qingcheng is not as multi-tasking as he used to be because of taking medicine. He thought about it for a while, and finally discussed with Li Rouqiu that he planned to leave the hospital and become a teacher in the university.

Li Rouqiu had already lost her feelings for Xie Qingcheng at that time. It was almost at this time that she met the married man she cheated on, so she didn't care much about Xie Qingcheng anymore. What he says is what he says.

But Xie Qingcheng has always been a very responsible person. He married Li Rouqiu after deciding to take RN-13 sustained-release medicine and become a normal person. If he only lived to 40 and died, or if his disease was out of control, he would not implicate a weak woman.

Although he is emotionally indifferent, he has tried his best to live as a normal person, but Li Rouqiu pursues fiery love.

That was something Xie Qing could not show her.

In fact, Xie Qingcheng also thought about it at that time, if he went to college, he would always have more time to spend with his wife during the winter and summer vacations. Although he did not understand romance, he watched movies and strolled the streets. , it is always what he can do, and in his opinion, it is also an obligation that he should perform.

The resignation letter has been typed and can be submitted at any time.

At this moment, something happened in Shanghai No. 1 Hospital that made Xie Qingcheng suspend the resignation process.

—

"Why are these security measures removed?"

"Oh, this." The staff member who was busy disassembling the scanner at the entrance scratched his head, "I don't know, it seems to be because of a reporter interview?"

“Should the reporter interview support the hospital to increase security after the Qin Ciyan incident?”

The other worker was a little more gossipy. Seeing that Xie Qingcheng was interested in communicating with them, he leaned over and said mysteriously: "That reporter has an idea, he thinks that what others have reported has not been written. It's over. People think of a new angle to look at the problem, you see, how popular his special comment is. "

Speaking, he handed his dirty mobile phone to Xie Qingcheng.

Xie Qingcheng took a look, it was a large portal website at that time. The headline is a social commentary, and next to it is a photo of a special commentator. It is a man with a thick neck and a pair of glasses.

Xie Qingcheng stood in the lobby of the hospital where people came and went, and spent a few minutes reading this comment carefully.

It has to be said that words are sometimes much scarier than physical violence. In the narrow alleys where the soldiers meet, the killings are like grass without hearing a word.

The reporter and commentator from another angle wrote that after the hospital has strengthened its security, the patients' medical treatment has become more troublesome and painful.

"Whether it is pregnant women, children, or the elderly, they must be checked at the entrance of the hospital. There are often long queues at the entrance of the hospital. The reporter saw those patients who were already suffering from diseases. , waiting anxiously in the open air, I can’t help but reflect, it is necessary to protect the safety of medical staff, but is the convenience service advocated by the state, especially medical convenience service, an empty talk? Is the hospital overkill?”

The report appeared to be peaceful, but it made many provocative arguments.

Xie Qingcheng is not a fool, he read it very well.

After Qin Ciyan was killed by the medical rioters, the security measures of Shanghai No. 1 Hospital have been greatly upgraded, and they have indeed been criticized. The hospital originally wanted to make the transition like this first, and then slowly improve the convenience of the security check. Who would have thought that a special comment would cause a thousand waves, especially those patients with sad faces holding umbrellas at the door waiting to enter in sequence. The photos spread at an extremely fast speed on the Internet.

The leaders of Shanghai Medical were worried about being interviewed, so they removed the detector temporarily installed at the door, hoping to reduce the risk of public opinion. Of course, they also explained to the doctor, the number of security guards patrolling in the hospital It's still three or four times what it used to be.

This is how the hospital appeases the doctors - "Everyone, please understand that reducing the contradiction between doctors and patients should start from the root, rather than relying on an instrument."

This is nihilism.

Who does not know that the contradiction between doctors and patients should be treated from the root?

What is the source of the contradiction? is human nature.

To question the conscience of the group, they need a tolerant environment that accepts the contention of a hundred schools of thought to brew a medicine that can heal the heart. This process will be very long, it may take ten or twenty years, it will require many people to shed blood and tears, burn their hearts and lives, constantly throw small stones at the mercenary giants, and need to fight against ignorance, extreme, sinister, hatred, etc. Wait for the flimsy arrowheads to shoot from these natural monsters.

It is in the constant struggle of ignorance and aura, tolerance and narrow-mindedness, human nature and animal nature that human culture has left its blood-splashed footprints step by step in the long river of history.

Evil fruits cannot grow in three or two days, nor can they be removed in three or two days.

To say "fundamentally change the doctor-patient relationship" at this time and give up the protection of doctors is a high-sounding surrender of the hospital leadership to ignorance.

"I'm not saying that you are wrong, Auntie, please listen to me patiently..."

"Director, I'm really tired. I haven't had a sip of water since I entered the consultation room in the morning."

"We all have to learn from Professor Qin and dedicate our lives to our posts."

Encouraging kindness is an eternal truth.

But if it gets to the point where sacrifice is encouraged, it's terrifying.

Xie Qingcheng watched quietly in the hospital.

The doctors seem to be getting very tense, bound by an invisible rope, trapping them on an altar called "Angel in White", forcing them to put their lovers, children, Freedom and even life are placed behind occupation.

But that's not necessary.

You can't blame a person for always being selfless, but you should go to each other with infinite gratitude for every selflessness. But be aware that their efforts are not for granted.

However, the fact is that no one dared to have a conflict with the patient during that time, and no one dared to say a word.

What's even more pitiful is that there are many young children...those who are actually Qin Ciyan's disciples, who should be called junior, junior and senior.

They are truly trapped on an isolated island. As long as others bring out "this is what Qin Ciyan did", any debate will become invalid, and they cannot swim out of this isolated island. In the end, it seems that even they themselves have become numb, forgetting that besides the doctor, they are also the father, mother, child, and lover of others.

Xie Qingcheng saw that a junior sister had to sign up to go to the mountains for more than half a year of exchange guidance under this kind of pressure, but he knew that her mother was suffering from lung cancer, and that was the last time she met with The time in the world to get along.

He saw a junior brother who had just joined the job hiding in a corner after a failed operation, crying and trembling, but under such pressure repeatedly asked if his psychological quality was too poor, why he couldn't do it most.

He watched them go from being forced to being numb, and watching them go from being numb to being accustomed to it.

He felt a pain in his heart.

It hurts.

He thought, all this should not be like this.

Understanding, gratitude, tolerance, where did it go? Are they destined to die in persecution?

Bright, hope, kindness, where did it go? Do they have to live in sacrifice?

No.

It shouldn't be.

Everyone should live well, and every life must be respected. Sacrifice is great, but it should never be the ultimate measure of greatness, the highest honor.

Cherish dignity, cherish life, cherish every kindness that others give you, say "Thank you" instead of "I want it."

That's how things should be.

Xie Qingcheng was outside the isolated island, looking at the junior sisters and juniors in the isolated island, looking at those, he was destined to never recognize them in his life, and could not get their "senior brothers" comrades .

He wondered if I could take you out.

Before I go, can I take you out.

So later, he discussed with the woman and performed a ridiculous farce. In the farce he is the center of the whirlpool, sinking in the ocean.

He won't come to the surface again.

He said those lines word by word, lines he had prepared dozens of times.

He looked at her, and it seemed that he was not looking at her, but the neurosurgeon who had hurried between the gray and white floors countless times.

He saw the old doctor telling the nurse at the doctor's desk that if the patient's family has anything to do, just come to me, don't go to Dr. Xie, who is the matchmaker for this matter.

He saw the old doctor tell him that the pain is not terrible, you have to believe in your heart, as long as you live, everything can be overcome.

He saw the old doctor walking out of the rain with a big umbrella, stretched out his hand to himself on the steps, and said, does it hurt?

He saw the old doctor ask him who decided to make a complete departure from the past - "Xiao Xie, the eternal sleeper here, what is the purpose of the famous water book? Why is it written on the scar on the wrist?"

And he answered him: "Because I want to say goodbye to my past self. That Xie Qingcheng is dead, and I will die in the future, and the reputation of my life will be like words written on the water. , eventually disappearing. I just want to be worthy of the life I have, and I want to do something right."

The old doctor smiled and patted his head: "That's very good. In life, no matter what difficulties you encounter, you must not give in and live towards your heart. You I'm happy to think so."

"Xiao Xie, I don't think I saved you wrong."

In the end, Xie Qingcheng looked at the man in the Yanzhou ward who woke up from a car accident and saw him for the first time.

The man has eyes very similar to his father's.

Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes and opened them again—

In front of him was the woman who quarreled with him in front of the entire hospital at his request.

He looked at her, but not at her, he looked at Qin Ciyan's phantom, at the place where Qin Ciyan walked, he finally spoke, he said—

"In my opinion, a doctor's life is far more important than a mental patient's life."

Your life is far more important than mine.

Old Qin, do you understand?

Why did you make such a choice, why not let Elbehai be the first person to find me?

I am just a patient, a patient, a living dead, an ordinary person, a lifestealer who has been living in the world for more than ten years.

Why do you think my life is more precious than yours?

He fell deep in the center of the vortex, sinking... sinking...

The light slowly disappeared before my eyes.

Dispute over.

He has been criticized and ridiculed.

Fortunately, the hospital panicked again, worried that such a contradiction between doctors and patients would intensify again.

But that's not enough...

That's not the last step, he thought.

Xie Qingcheng finally stood on the podium to comment on professional titles, telling everyone word by word—

He is resigning.

He said he was afraid.

He said he was afraid, he was just an ordinary doctor. He didn't want to lose his life in this position, he had to live his life well.

He knew that when he said these words, he was already the target of public criticism.

The brothers and sisters he wants to redeem will never know the truth.

They'll spit at him, yell at him, and he'll mock them, mean them, say their teacher—

His mentor.

His half-father.

The most merciful person he will ever meet again—

"It's your fault."

Until a long time later, Xie Qingcheng didn't know what kind of cruelty he was relying on at that time to say these four words firmly and viciously, as if it were true.

He took off his title card and put it back on the flannel.

He raised his eyes and said, this is my last choice.

Let me go into the dark, where I came from.

My teacher used his life to protect me.

It is time for me to use my name to protect you.

I hope you will…

Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes and strode out of the conference room, behind him was a stormy uproar.

I hope you will no longer have to exchange blood and life for ideals, praise, and medals.

I hope you all are well in the future.

It was Qin Ciyan's lifelong hope.

In 2017, a few weeks after Qin Ciyan passed away, Xie Qingcheng left Shanghai Medical Hospital in the name of a coward.

In the same month, due to concerns about the negative emotions of the doctors due to the incident, the hospital, after careful consideration, meeting and research, decided to respond to the need for the hospital's security facilities and reset the system to ensure the safety of medical staff. We also urge patients to understand and promise to upgrade and improve the equipment as soon as possible, so as not to keep patients from waiting for a long time, but also to protect the safety of medical care.

Xie Qingcheng could not enjoy these benefits.

He returned to Moyu Lane alone, with confusion, controversy, scorn, and suspicion.

Lonely, leaving the place that gave him a second life.

When he was young, he wanted to be a policeman.

After his biological parents died, in order to pursue the truth, he could only turn his past dreams into a scar on his wrist.

Growing up, he became a doctor.

However, the teacher who had half-father's grace to him left. In order to save his successors from being trapped in moral prison, he lost his home for the second time.

He came from the grave.

He will go back to the grave after all.

After resigning, Xie Qingcheng suffered from great mental pain and pressure, and his mental state was very unstable.

Although with his usual self-control and the help of special drugs, he can control himself perfectly and live like an ordinary person. But that blow was too big.

Xie Qingcheng could not even go to college for a job for a while.

He is very aware of his condition, he can't bear more torture, no matter how calm he is, he will still collapse.

And if he collapses, he doesn't know what the consequences will be, will it hurt his wife, sister, neighbor...

—

"So I resigned as your personal physician."

In the cold reservoir, Xie Qingcheng whispered softly, in the face of death, he finally told the secret that he had kept for too many years.

"I chose to settle down and do what he didn't finish, instead of staying by your side. I was almost a waste at that time... Maybe you never saw it, You'll think I'm pretending to be good, calm, no different from normal."

Xie Qing Cheng paused, the biting water seemed to condense his life.

"But my heart is broken. My kernel is rotten...I couldn't teach you anything at that time, He Yu. I made a choice and gave up."

"...that's the whole truth."

He Yu did not speak for a long time after listening to what he said.

In the empty studio, only the melodious singing of Celine Dion echoed.

The water line has been in the process of telling these stories, and has risen to the top, and now the top of their heads has touched the dome.

In a few minutes, death lies ahead.

He Yu finally said softly: "So... you originally intended to take all these things to the grave?"

"Yes."

"You were going to say nothing."

"Yes."

"You...you see how sad I am, you see I have been looking for someone who can understand me, but you are yourself, but you don't say anything, you don't tell me anything ..." He Yu's eyes finally turned red, he stared at Xie Qingcheng in the water, and kept asking Xie Qingcheng, his voice was hoarse, I don't know if it was absurd, sad, heartache, and confused, "You As long as you tell me a little truth, I can understand you, and I can let you go... You and I are two people in this society who can't get along, Xie Qingcheng! Why don't you tell me you are too? Why are you? Don't want to hug me, don't want me to hug you too? What are you...you know everything...but you don't say anything..."

His tears streamed down his face and dripped into the pool.

"I'm very cold... Xie Qingcheng, after so many years, are you not cold? Are you not cold..."

He looked at him, thinking about the endless conversations Xie Qingcheng had with him.

His tears kept streaming down.

He has never cried like this in front of anyone, even in the face of death, he can listen to the elegant songs with a calm smile and raise his head to greet him.

But at this moment, he knew that he actually had a similar kind in this world.

The person who can fully understand him, feel his pain, and understand his pain has always been... by his side.

Xie Qingcheng told him before that he should rely on himself to get out of his inner shadow.

Xie Qingcheng once asked him, kid, don't you feel pain.

Xie Qingcheng tried to awaken his reason in desperation and told him that as long as he was alive, any difficulties could be overcome.

You have to… always trust your heart.

As long as you live one day, don't give up the hope that you can overcome the disease for a moment.

These words... These words, he used to only regard a doctor's explanation to a patient.

But it turns out…

But it turned out that it was Xie Qingcheng's words from his own blood and tears! It's the deep sea cry of another mental Ebola sufferer.

Xie Qingcheng said nothing. Nothing can be said.

Let's just leave him...Standing stupidly.

He stood alone on the reef, wailing, and on the isolated island of the sea, he could not get any response-he thought he was the last undead dragon.

But it turns out that the "human" on his altar has the same blood as him and hides the same terrible wings as him.

Xie Qingcheng...don't say anything.

Say nothing! !

He Yu closed his eyes hard, couldn't help but beat him and scold him, he questioned him, resented him, full of hatred and anger, sad and distressed.

He said: "Xie Qingcheng, I really hate you. This hurts me more than if you don't tell me the truth. Do you hate me to death, and you want to put such a thing in the end? Things tell me, you are not willing to tell me until the end, in fact, I have never been alone, have you?"

He scolded, outraged.

But in the end, he hugged Xie Qingcheng tightly again—

In shivering ice water.

In a dark room where it was almost breathless.

In the dark, where no one is, before life and death.

between flesh and blood.

They are the two loneliest people in the world.

Before death came, one of them finally took off the mask and let the other see their similar faces.

Before death came, one finally took pity on the other and told him that he was not alone in the world.

The water finally submerged to the nose and mouth, and life and death are only in an instant.

He Yutong's eyes were red and he looked at Xie Qingcheng deeply. His eyes were like hatred, resentment, forgiveness, and deep depravity. Anxious to live up to the last freedom when these eyes can still express joy, anger, sorrow and joy.

Endless summer, in bloom.

Canglong looked at the little child curled up on the steps.

It is like looking at the old self after so many years of wandering and suffering.

He extended his human-like hand to the young dragon.

His mirror-like pupils reflected the figure of the child.

He said-

"Little devil, don't you feel pain?"

He asked because he knew it was painful.

Xie Qingcheng has experienced the kind of pain that can crush giants - knowing that he will not live for long, he feels that he is useless, and no pioneer has ever walked out of this quagmire alive, and had to live in This remnant of life in this quagmire.

He knows that.

But he couldn't tell He Yu, it was very painful.

He can only ask.

He remembered how the doctor in the past comforted himself with blood on his hands. He can only imitate it, and then pick up the shrunken young dragon with the face of a normal person.

He knew that He Yu wanted a companion and a little inspiration from his peers.

He is not without mercy.

But he has too many things to do, and he is so cruel to himself, let alone He Yu? His only tenderness became the handsome text he signed on He Jiwei's letter of appointment.

As a psychiatrist to accompany him and enlighten him while he is still able, that's all he can do to help him.

This is Xie Qingcheng's last remaining energy.

Not much.

But he gave it all.

He lost his dream for the truth.

I lost my health for the sake of my sister.

In order to overcome the disease, he lost the meaning of life.

For the meaning of living, I lost my peace and serenity.

He lost his parents, half-father, lost a new home he finally found, lost his police rank and then lost his white clothes, in order to protect those juniors and seniors who didn't even know him , he will even be expelled from the pulpit where he was last, and lose even a desk.

His life, since that rainy night, has been unable to hold anything.

He will never be at peace.

Even for the sake of clarity of mind, he had to sacrifice even the most basic emotion of being a human being - he kept telling He Yu to "be calm". But it was not demanding, nor was it an order.

That is the **** dragon telling the little dragon cub how to go the farthest on this road full of thorns.

It was a spell that guarded the mountains and rivers he had traveled so far.

He hopes he understands.

That's all... what he has, what he has left.

He gave Xie Xue his company, Chen Wan his courage, filial piety to Aunt Li, and gratitude to Qin Lao.

He gave protection to the doctor.

Give knowledge to students.

There is still a sick body, which can restrain the remaining sins, puzzles, secrets, pain, abuse - he placed them in this body.

He kept this sick body to himself.

The experience of this sick body, the hardships he suffered in his life, are useless to anyone, but not to He Yu.

So, he left the experience to He Yu.

It was the last thing he left after dismantling his flesh and bones, and it was the only thing that could be given to others.

Although He Yu didn't appreciate it very much, he always didn't, always felt that what he said was wrong, that he didn't understand, and couldn't empathize. But he really couldn't say more, more naked.

He never intended to recognize him, only at this moment, death befalls them both. The blue dragon will die together with the young dragon. At this moment, he finally transformed into a huge feathered wing, stretched out the spiny-tailed dragon head, shook off the dust all over his body, and emerged from the body of a mortal. of lamentation.

He turned his head and looked at the little dragon cub who stared at him blankly.

Finger tap.

He said-

This is the whole truth.

He Yu looked at him…

He Yu is undoubtedly resentful. is deeply resentful. No one was easily relieved of being deceived for so long.

But in that resentment, there seems to be a kind of emotion that has never been seen before.

That was the emotion that Xiaolong had when he looked at the deep, vertical and horizontally mottled scars on Canglong's body. Those scars were too deep and heavy, with blood, flesh, bone, and the slow-beating, sick heart in Canglong's chest.

Normal people die early from such injuries.

If you don't die, you will definitely want to die.

This person, Xie Qingcheng, relies on courage and the strength of the human heart every moment of his life. His life is full of torture, how can he enjoy it.

It turns out that the only one of his kind is trying to survive like this.

Flooding to the eye.

Gradually, they could no longer breathe coherently, and they could only rely on their backs occasionally to grab the last bit of air.

—

However, the dome of the studio is not completely flat, there is a narrow platform, and the narrow platform has an inclined angle, which is the place where the flood will eventually flood.

Unfortunately, the narrow platform can only accommodate one person. Climbing up will give you a few more minutes of life.

He Yu was silent - he was silent in front of the truth.

Then, he did something that Xie Qingcheng never thought of.

He Yu is young and bloodthirsty, and under such exhaustion, he has a lot more energy left than Xie Qingcheng.

He used the strength that Xie Qingcheng couldn't resist, and suddenly hugged the man onto the narrow platform.

Xie Qingcheng struggled, but he couldn't. Xie Qingcheng lost too much physical strength, and when he moved, he was held down by He Yu from the water.

The boy raised his head and looked at Xie Qingcheng with a pair of red almond eyes.

He Yu didn't say anything, and didn't know what to say.

He just looked up at Xie Qingcheng like this, holding him tightly, not letting Xie Qingcheng come down, and not letting Xie Qingcheng exchange places with him.

At the moment when the ice water completely submerged the top of his head, He Yu looked at Xie Qingcheng with moist eyes, his lips opened and closed.

The voice was weak, like a corpse submerged in a shipwreck, treasure... quietly sank into the water.

But Xie Qingcheng was sure that he still heard it.

He heard the boy talking.

Just like the young man who risked danger to return to the fire and rescued those patients who might be a little bit similar to him.

He said: "If you can live. Xie Qingcheng."

"Then you must not remember me like Qin Ciyan."

"Because I hate you, you lied to me, you abandoned me...I hate you, I don't want to be remembered by you...I have to go first, the loneliest person in the future is you. You don't have Xie Qingcheng, put on a mask and go back to the society of normal people."

"Forget these things."

"You're not that old, and if you could live, you could start all over again and get something...something you've never had."

The jellyfish sank into the ocean, without a spinal cord, without a heart, without eyes, as pure as a cloud falling in the sky.

Outsiders look at them like monsters. Ninety-five percent of them are water life, how can they have feelings?

But maybe it does.

In its short life, it used to love the world very much.

Perhaps it is because of this deep love that transcends the flesh and blood that they can spend the long 650 million years on this earth...

He Yu looked at Xie Qingcheng with wet eyes, and then little by little, he was submerged in the flood.