Behind every adult, there is a child who has been sealed in time and stopped growing.

The twisted and cruel childhood was tempered by time and turned into a dose of immune injection, which quietly pierced Xia Xiqing's skin and injected it into his blood, making him lose his sensitivity to the word love from the bottom of his bones, and also lost his love. confidence.

Man is not a collection of organisms, but a collection of experiences.

Zhou Ziheng hugged Xia Xiqing and kissed away his tears very gently.

"With me here, this door will never be closed again." His hand gently patted Xia Xiqing's back, stroking his slightly protruding spine.

He doesn't want to comment on all the things Xia Xiqing's parents have done, those are meaningless, he just wants to accompany Xia Xiqing, let him live in the overflowing love, and live the free life he wants.

Let him understand that he has always been worthy of being loved.

Xia Xiqing's hand hung loosely on Zhou Ziheng's waist. After talking about the past, he seemed to be hollowed out. He had no more strength, and even his heart was beating slowly in his empty chest as if he was dying.

Zhou Ziheng tentatively touched the wound that he had never dared to touch. The first time he saw it, Xia Xiqing was still completely unconscious, but this time he was sober. He picked up Xia Xiqing, put him on the small bed, bent down and kissed the terrible scar.

The two curled up on the small bed, Zhou Ziheng held him tightly in his arms, clinging to each other, like two drifters relying on each other on a small boat, if they are not careful, they will fall into the vast ocean.

Zhou Ziheng's eyes were extremely gentle, Xia Xiqing suddenly felt that he was a very despicable person, as if he was using this painful experience to deceive Zhou Ziheng's sympathy.

Knowing that he is extremely kind, knowing that he likes me, but still saying these things makes him sad, makes him feel bad, and then repays himself ten times and a hundred times with tenderness. Such an approach is really too cunning.

But Xia Xiqing had no other choice. Perhaps the experience can be hidden, but the blood and genes flowing in his bones can't. What he fears most is that the more he lives, the more he looks like his mother. He's heard a lot of the same thing in gossip, you and your flamboyant father are the exact same thing.

All the way.

But only Xia Xiqing knew that what he really resembled was his mother. Gloomy and conceited, he tried every means to maintain his superficial dignity, tearing open the beautiful skin, and the inside was full of pus, blood and residue.

"I don't want to be her."

After a long silence, Xia Xiqing suddenly said such a sentence, which surprised Zhou Ziheng, but he was only surprised for less than a second, and soon realized who Xia Xiqing was talking about.

"You won't, you are different from her, you are kind and strong, and..." Zhou Ziheng grabbed his hand, put it on his lips and kissed it lightly, "You have me here."

Xia Xiqing raised his eyes to look at him, but there was still an inexplicable depression in his eyes.

"We are people from two worlds." The avoidance of love in Xia Xiqing's bones once again worked, "You are very good, and you are the best person I have ever met, but I am just the opposite. We are on the same side no matter what. opposite."

He seemed to be afraid of Zhou Ziheng's rebuttal, so he rushed to continue explaining, "Actually, the cruelest thing is not false love, the cruelest thing is that when you fall in love with someone, the moment is real, you really fell in love with him, he I also really love you, but..." He suddenly choked up, Xia Xiqing felt ridiculous, he just thought that it would be unbearable at that time, it was really not like him.

"But what?"

He took a deep breath, "However, feelings will be exhausted one day, and you will no longer love." He looked at Zhou Ziheng, with emotions dodging in his eyes, "That moment was also true."

Zhou Ziheng finally understood why Xia Xiqing resisted establishing an intimate relationship with others.

"So," he touched Xia Xiqing's ear with a deep voice, "You rejected me not because you didn't like me, but because you were afraid of the last moment."

Xia Xiqing's heart skipped a beat as if he had hit his chest when he caught his center of gravity all of a sudden. Zhou Ziheng always has his own set of logic, no matter what he says, he can always grasp the key point.

But what Xia Xiqing wanted to express was not these, "What I want to say is that you like me now because of the temporary surge of hormones, but this kind of feeling will definitely cool down after boiling, and it will be you who will hurt yourself."

Zhou Ziheng's eyes remained firm, "Why are you so sure that you will cool down?"

"Because we are two completely opposite people." Xia Xiqing's tone hardened, like a temporary thorn, "The completely opposite things are forced together, and there is no good result."

Zhou Ziheng suddenly smiled, and let go of Xia Xiqing's arms. Xia Xiqing frowned, "What are you laughing at?"

"I'm happy, I thought of a very scientific example to prove my point," shrunk down and lay face to face with him, coughed twice and cleared his throat, "You say we are completely opposite, I will Let’s assume that’s true.”

"Science man." Xia Xiqing glanced at him. Zhou Ziheng stretched out his index finger and pressed it on his lips, then smiled, "You know what, I suddenly thought that when we recorded the program for the second time, you still remember the love poem about the Big Bang."

"According to that theory, after one trillionth of a second from the explosion, there were particles in the universe, electrons, quarks, anti-electrons and anti-quarks. In short, they are positive and negative particles." The corners of his mouth curled up slightly. Xia Xiqing watched him smile, and stretched out his index finger involuntarily, wanting to poke the corner of his upturned mouth.

But Zhou Ziheng dodged it.

The outstretched fingertips stayed in the air, Zhou Ziheng also stretched out his index finger, and poked Xia Xiqing's fingertips, smiled, his eyes bright.

"In the still chaotic universe, positive particles and antiparticles meet, collide, and annihilate into photons."

After finishing speaking, the fingertips that touched just now were held in the palm of his hand.

Xia Xiqing finally believed in the words "fingers connected to heart". His heartbeat at this moment seemed to be transferred to his fingertips, beating violently in his warm palm.

"Under the high temperature of the universe, photons continue to produce positive and negative particles. Like a chain reaction, they continue to meet and annihilate. There is a mystery that scientists have not yet solved. Why do these positive and negative particles end up only in the end? Positive matter left? No one knows, we only know that the survival rate of these particles is one in a billion." He let go of his hand, and the moment he opened his fingers, the little rose on his ring finger was faintly visible.

"Then, the temperature of the universe decreased again and again, so low that those electrons were attracted by the nucleus and became atoms. Countless atoms became stars under the traction of gravity. Some stars exploded, and some remained, for example..." He said from He took out an orange lollipop from his pocket, "The sun, a small star was born in a small corner of the universe." He peeled off the "sun" candy wrapper and stuffed it into Xia Xiqing's hand.

"In another billions of years, this small star will attract other heavy matter and gas to form planets." He took out another blueberry-flavored candy and held it in his hand, "like the earth."

He grabbed the blueberry candy and circled the "little sun" held by Xia Xiqing like a small airplane. "After a long time, rare liquid water appeared on this asteroid. Slowly, life forms appeared. Finally, finally, you and me appeared."

Zhou Ziheng looked into Xia Xiqing's eyes, which were gentler than the stars in the universe.

"These are created by those surviving particles. Every part of you and me, this bed, this room, the earth, the sun, the galaxy, all came from those billionths. In the final analysis, from positive and negative particles encounter."

The long theory of the origin of the universe ended here, Zhou Ziheng leaned over and kissed Xia Xiqing's eyes.

"So, the meeting of completely opposite things may create a miracle."

After finishing speaking, Zhou Ziheng held Xia Xiqing's face in his arms and kissed his lips. A superficial kiss stole his heart at the moment of separation. Gravity is also unexplainable attraction.

"The argument is over."

Can't win at all.

The so-called experience that has stirred countless hearts for so many years, the so-called invincible record, became vulnerable in front of this person, and the moment he tried to surrender, he found that he had no weapons for a long time.

Each of us is composed of countless 1/100,000 surviving particles, scattered in billions of human seas.

So the encounter between me and you is a miracle created by countless tiny particles going forward, annihilating and colliding.

Precious and rare.

The two of them slept all night curled up on this small single bed, and woke up in a hurry before dawn to return to the set for filming. When locking the gate of this villa, Xia Xiqing's heart suddenly dropped heavily.

He raised his head, glanced at the small balcony on the third floor, and vaguely saw a little boy waving at him with a smile on his face.

"What's wrong?"

Xia Xiqing lowered his head and smiled, then turned around and glanced at Zhou Ziheng.

"Woke up too early and hallucinated."

After Song Nian was finished, he made many phone calls to Zhou Ziheng and sent him a lot of WeChat messages, but Zhou Ziheng ignored them. He also encountered many similar situations when he was filming. He usually explained to the other party. She stated that she had absolutely no intention of falling in love, but Song Nian was really annoying, and she let him know that her team bought hot search hype, even a kind personality like Zhou Ziheng would inevitably feel disgusted.

In addition, his heart is only on Xia Xiqing now, and he can't take care of anything else. His daily life is filming and liking Xia Xiqing.

[Song Nian: I know you don't have that kind of thought about me, but I'm still a girl anyway, you just left me and ran away at the finale banquet, so many reporters came to visit the set, I also feel embarrassed. ]

Zhou Ziheng saw the last message she sent, if it was someone else, he would apologize, but for Song Nian, he has no guilt.

[Zhou Ziheng: Stop pretending, those reporters were recruited by your team, I have no obligation to come forward. ]

After posting this sentence, Zhou Ziheng blocked Song Nian. Ordinary celebrities would not do these things, even if their faces were torn apart, they would not sever contact, but Zhou Ziheng's family background gave him a natural barrier to mix himself in the circle, and such seemingly stupid things were nothing to him.

The next few days will be the highlight of the play. As Gao Kun's illness became more and more serious, Zhou Ziheng spent more and more time on makeup every day. Sometimes night scenes stayed up until early in the morning, and he had to get up again before dawn to do styling.

Xia Xiqing felt sorry for him, saying that he worked too hard, but Zhou Ziheng actually enjoyed it.

After finally filming a scene at the CDC, Kuncheng, Zhou Ziheng, and Xia Xiqing were sitting in the car. Xia Xiqing watched the patients outside the car wave goodbye to them, and suddenly felt sore.

In fact, when his private life was the most chaotic, he really thought about whether he would get AIDS. He even thought that it would be fine if he was really infected, since life would be quite meaningless anyway, even he himself didn't know what he was surviving for, in response to Xia Yunkai? Or simply don't want to be looked down upon.

His eyes shifted from outside the car to inside the car, looking at Zhou Ziheng who was talking to the director about the play.

Almost instantly, Zhou Ziheng also looked at him, smiled at him, and then continued to discuss the next performance with the director as if nothing had happened.

Such a smile, coincidentally, seemed to be an answer specially given to him.

After living for twenty-five years, I met Zhou Ziheng.

It seems... not too bad.

"Actually, the country distributes medicines for free now, so it's not that difficult to treat AIDS patients." Zhou Ziheng sighed and looked down at the script in his hand, "Maybe for them, the psychological pressure is far greater than the physical pressure." torment."

"Everyone's concept of AIDS is still too outdated. Because they don't understand it, they have discrimination and fear. These concepts are difficult to change, but video works can spread." Kuncheng patted Zhou Ziheng on the shoulder, "This is also one of the meanings of making movies. ah."

Zhou Ziheng also raised his head, Xiao Luo handed over several cans of coffee, he took one, threw it to Xia Xiqing, Xia Xiqing took it, and looked up at him.

"It's a heavy responsibility." He smiled, shining brightly.

Xia Xiqing also smiled, and looked out the car window with his chin propped on his hands.

He used to hate idealists, these overconfident people always delusional to save the world, trying to become an extremely important part of the world.

In fact, many so-called idealists are nothing more than severely ill patients suffering from redemption delusions. Most of them will eventually die because of the gap between ideals and reality that cannot be filled.

fell down hard.

Xia Xiqing always liked to watch this kind of tragic scene of ideals dying with cold eyes until he met Zhou Ziheng.

This sparkling idealist.

He was so dazzling that Xia Xiqing was reluctant to pull him down just by looking at him. I hope he can fly freely in the vast free sky.

Seeing Zhou Ziheng's face reflected in the car window, Xia Xiqing couldn't help smiling.

If possible, he would also like to keep looking up.

The scene turned back to the house they rented before, which was Jiang Tong's residence. When Gao Kun found out that AIDS had nowhere to go, Jiang Tong took him in. Gao Kun runs between the CDC and the rental house every day, and spends the rest of the time doing odd jobs. During the occasional break, Gao Kun is learning sign language.

While waiting to touch up their makeup, Zhou Ziheng and Xia Xiqing spoke to each other, while the director guided them to take positions, and they shot several daily clips of them in this rental house in one afternoon.

"These are the more positive and sunny parts of the film," Kuncheng told the lighting engineer, "the light source should be stronger, but softer."

When it got dark, they entered the night play.

This night scene made Zhou Ziheng very worried. In his dream, Jiang Tong dreamed that his mother came home and packed her luggage. At first she said that she would take Jiang Tong away, but in the end she left by herself. Jiang Tong also woke up from the nightmare.

Just reading the script, Zhou Ziheng felt shocking.

"Director Kun," while Xia Xiqing was putting on makeup, Zhou Ziheng sat next to Kun Cheng, "Is this scene important?"

"Of course. This paragraph is an introduction to expose Jiang Tong's past." Kuncheng had a lot of discussions with Zhou Ziheng about the script, but Zhou Ziheng couldn't understand a single word. He originally thought that if it was not important, it would be better to delete it. In case Xia Xiqing worked hard to act, and was cut off in the end.

But the director attached so much importance to it, Zhou Ziheng could only nod his head frequently, feeling uneasy.

Occasionally turning his head to look at Xia Xiqing, he could only see him reciting his lines seriously, looking at the script in his hand with lowered eyebrows. After finishing makeup, the filming will start soon, while waiting for Kuncheng to arrange to move, Xia Xiqing said, "Director Kun, Jiang Tong's part is a dream, in order to distinguish reality, I think Jiang Tong acted normally in the dream. "

He explained again, "His dreams reflect his wishes to a certain extent. He misses his mother very much, so he dreams of her coming back and taking her away. Similarly, I think he also wishes I am a normal child, and I will not be laughed at for not being able to speak."

Kuncheng thought about it for a while, and decided to take his suggestion and try acting it out.

"Scene 45 of "Tracking" for the first time, Action!"

Jiang Tong sat alone on the old sofa, quietly fiddling with the blades of the old fan.

There was a knock on the door suddenly, and the moment he stood up, the sound disappeared. Just as he was about to sit down, there was another knock on the door.

Jiang Tong first took two steps slowly, but for some reason, he suddenly quickened his pace and opened the door anxiously.

A wounded woman stood outside the door. Her body was a mixture of cheap perfume and **** smell, withered curly hair, fishnet stockings with many holes, and makeup that had been worn out long ago.

"Tongtong?" She laughed, bright red lipstick sticking to the corners of her lips, "Tongtong."

Jiang Tong froze in place, unable to say a word.

"Tongtong, I'm mother." The woman who had been away for many years hugged him tenderly and patted his back, "Mom is here."

Jiang Tong just froze, letting her hug him tightly.

"Yes, Mom is back." The woman let go of her arm, supported his shoulder and pushed him away, "You've grown up so much..."

Her tone hesitated a little.

Because the actor didn't expect that Xia Xiqing, who played Jiang Tong, was already in tears.

At the moment of his hug, a large drop of tears fell from his eyes.

Even Kuncheng behind the monitor was secretly startled. He had seen many actors whose emotions came quickly, but this was the first one. He didn't even ask Xia Xiqing to have a crying scene here. Only Zhou Ziheng stood in the corner without saying a word, worried more than anyone else.

But the actress is also very professional, and the director didn't stop, so she quickly continued to act. She brought in her dilapidated suitcase, touched Jiang Tong's cheek with a smile, "Mom is coming back this time to take you away." After speaking, she dragged Jiang Tong to the small bedroom, and The son opened the closet, took out a large pile of clothes and skirts, and stuffed them all into the box.

"Mom," Jiang Tong stood by the closet in a daze, stretched his fingers into his ears, but couldn't touch the hearing aid, his eyes were full of confusion, "Are you really back?"

"Yes, silly boy." Mom stood up from the closet and touched his face again, "Mom will take you away this time, we will never come back." She glanced around, "Again Don't stay here anymore."

Jiang Tong suddenly smiled, jumping for joy like a child. Like his mother, he rummaged through his clothes in the closet and stuffed them one by one into the small broken suitcase.

In the shot, he and his mother folded their hands in the suitcase.

But the next second, when he stuffed his yellowed white shirt into it, several drops of blood suddenly dripped on it.

One drop, another drop, connected into one piece.

When he looked up, he saw blood on his mother's face, dripping from the top of her head to her chin. She had wounds all over her body, and even had large and small scars from cigarette burns.

Jiang Tong suddenly panicked.

"Mom, I'll go, I'll get you gauze and medicine..." He hurriedly stood up, walked to the bathroom, opened the locker behind the mirror, found a small medicine box from it, and closed it again. When looking in the mirror, he clearly saw that he was also covered in injuries in the mirror.

Mother.

Going to bandage my mother.

When he returned to the bedroom, it was empty, no sign of his mother, no suitcase. He frantically ran out with the box in his arms, and saw a figure open the gate and leave the dilapidated rental house.

Mother!

Jiang Tong opened his mouth to shout, but found that he couldn't make a sound. He opened the door and ran down the stairs barefoot.

Nothing, she's gone.

Jiang Tong held his small medicine box by himself, bit his teeth tightly, and the muscles in his jaw were trembling.

Tears welled up in the blue and swollen eye sockets, but not a single drop came out.

"Yes." Director Kun stood up, "This one is very good. It's very good." His heart was a little touched. I thought that if this play wanted to show the effect he wanted, at least three or four things would have to be honed. Xia Xiqing's feeling was so right, even better than he imagined. Kuncheng couldn't help suspecting that Xu's script was written for him.

After making up several shots, I finally finished shooting this dream. Xia Xiqing sat in the lounge, waiting for the props team to rearrange the scene. In fact, he didn't dare to think about whether he could stabilize himself if the play was filmed before he brought Zhou Ziheng home.

But now, he seems to have let go of a lot.

After finishing the shooting for a while, Xia Xiqing found that his feet hurt a little. He lowered his head to check, only to find that the part of the soles of the feet close to the toes was scratched by something on the ground, and there was a small cut that was not too deep.

I was so dazed that I didn't realize I was cut.

Just when he was about to call Xiaoxiao, Zhou Ziheng came over with a basin of hot water.

"Where did you get it?"

"I asked Xiaoxiao to boil the water for me while you were taking pictures." Zhou Ziheng half-kneeled on the ground, reached in to test the temperature of the water, then grabbed Xia Xiqing's feet and was about to put them in, but Xia Xiqing hid for a while.

"I'll do it myself." He glanced at the door of the lounge, "Don't do this, it won't be good for people to see later."

"What are you afraid of?" Zhou Ziheng still stubbornly grabbed his ankle, but found that there was a little blood on the sole of his foot, "What's going on? Are you injured?"

"Can this be considered an injury? Didn't you have broken arms and short legs when you were filming before, so I just scratched it." Xia Xiqing was afraid of what he said, so he took the initiative to put his feet in the basin and stretched out his hands to wash them. But Zhou Ziheng was very stubborn and insisted on washing for him. The two of them were awkward for a while, and Xia Xiqing was afraid that someone would come in anytime and anywhere.

"Then hurry up and don't delay things."

Zhou Ziheng smiled with his head down, "I can't delay." His movements were extremely gentle. He stood up and took a soft towel and the small first-aid kit they always had, squatted down again and carefully dried the water for him, and put his feet on the On his own knee, then disinfect the small wound, and finally put a Band-Aid on it.

"Okay." After finishing all the work, Zhou Ziheng bowed his head and kissed his fair instep, then raised his head and smiled at him.

Xia Xiqing looked down at him, "Fool."

Zhou Ziheng pinched his ankle, "The acting was really good just now, I was worried about you. I was afraid that you would lose control of your emotions."

"It seems much better to say it all," Xia Xiqing twitched the corners of his mouth, "it's easy to erupt when you keep pressing."

"You will definitely get better and better." Zhou Ziheng smiled at him with his face up.

This person is very strange. When he is not smiling, his overly sharp facial features always give people a strong sense of natural oppression, but when he smiles, his pair of deep eyes will bend unscrupulously, like a crescent moon, and the corners of his mouth will also curl up. Raised, gentle and childish.

Is it getting better...

Where does his confidence come from, it can continuously support him to believe in those happy endings.

Xia Xiqing smiled with drooping eyebrows, "Have you seen The Catcher in the Rye?"

Seeing Zhou Ziheng nodding, he continued, "I remember a sentence in it, an immature idealist will die tragically for his ideals, while a mature idealist will live by his ideals." His eyes looked at Xiang Zhou Ziheng, "You are more like the immature former."

Too enthusiastic, too desperate.

Zhou Ziheng stood up, bent down again, put his hands on his straight knees, and approached Xia Xiqing who was sitting on the chair.

I thought he was going to refute, after all, he always has his own logic.

But Zhou Ziheng affirmed Xia Xiqing's conclusion.

"That's right."

Zhou Ziheng leaned over and kissed him, his eyes firm and soft.

"My ideal is you. If you are replaced at an equivalent value, I am indeed willing to die tragically for you."

At this moment, Xia Xiqing was convinced that this person must be born with a positive particle, and couldn't wait to hug the negative self and annihilate in the heat.

"For a performer, this is a dramatic and impactful ending."