Maybe it ’s my illusion. It ’s been less than an hour for me to move from a doomsday illusion into this rather strange world, but I have a lot of memories about my life and cognitive situation in this world. These memories are just like being born. , And there is no sense of disobedience, even if it conflicts with my memories of doomsday illusion, however, the authenticity and sense of daily life brought about by these memories are beyond reach of doomsday illusion and hospital reality. Even in the reality of the hospital, I have speculated for a long time, doubting that it is some kind of ideological illusion relative to the illusion of the end, not a reality in an absolute sense. I use the word "reality" to describe the information obtained in the hospital, just to distinguish it from the doomsday illusion-after all, there is a certain upper and lower relationship between the two, and this relationship is in my eyes. , But not the only and reliable.

In my life, the most influential is undoubtedly the illusion of doomsday-I used to think so, but when I "return" to this world, it is enough to describe the feeling of "waking up", which is the reality of the hospital It also failed to bring me the strong feeling in the first time, enough to distinguish the "doom illusion" and "real life" in the senses.

I observe myself from the perspective of a third person. Naturally, I can retain the core of thinking that takes the "doom illusion" as the main body and radiates outwards. However, from the perspective of the first-person feelings, the "doom illusion" is true to the world , Is undoubtedly "delusional" in general.

The first time I "woke up", I subconsciously accepted my mind about the world.

This is a top student, when the scope of activities is limited to this city. The constructed worldview-in this world, there is no anomaly and mystery.

So. No need for any power, instinct and experience against anomalies and mysteries.

In this sense, what the Doomsday Realm has left me is just a pile of delusions.

The conflict between sensibility and logical memory, the contradiction between rationality and sensibility, makes me somewhat difficult to accept this fact. However, on the other hand, I must admit that in such a world. I don't need to shoulder the heavy responsibility of "who to save" because no one needs to be saved. The person I love, like me at this moment, must also live a normal and daily life. There is no need to worry about the end of the day, nor has it been infected by the "virus" as a patient with apocalyptic syndrome. And therefore suffered various sufferings.

Although the world is not a complete peace, it is better than the era of doomsday illusion. Especially in this country, people live a happy life unique to peace, and most of the wounds left during the war years will heal in the next half century.

Because no one is not happy, so. No hero is needed.

Therefore, there is no need for the hero Gao Chuan or the mysterious expert Gao Chuan. My existence, the top student named Gao Chuan, is just an excellent student in the eyes of the school.

If this world is real. So, my responsibility. It is probably over, and my adventure is no longer necessary. Because all doom has not begun, there is no need to deliberately search for things that only exist in doom, including "Jiang". Conversely, if "jiang" also exists here, so must "virus", and the advent of doom is also a matter of time. This ordinary and quiet daily life will eventually fall into hell.

Therefore, I should not hope for the existence of "Jiang". I can't feel it anymore. I am a normal person, not a patient with doomsday syndrome. There are no monsters in my body, and the world will develop normally.

I do n’t know, when I think about it, what kind of emotion should I cherish, should I smile, or cry, there is no abnormality and mystery, the ordinary and everyday world, the ordinary me, maybe the ordinary and happy Saki Ye them, is this what I want? I do n’t know, but I must admit that this result, compared to the cruelty of Doom ’s Illusion and the reality of the hospital, is really so beautiful that it is so dizzy.

But why, my emotions can't calm down, my blood is still boiling, but there is a sense of loss that runs through my soul. I began to miss things that I should n’t miss, and there was a voice roaring in my heart that made me look for "Jiang"-even if this is the real world, it is more real and ideal than the doomsday illusion and hospital reality And the beautiful world, even if the illusion of doomsday and the reality of the hospital are all delusions, even if the existence of "jiang" means the existence of "virus", it also means that the world is going to be turbulent, it doesn't matter. To find it.

Such a voice is so strong, like a demon struggling in a cage, roaring to break free.

I ignored it, just walked back with that contradictory mood. I think no matter what I want to do, it is necessary to confirm the existence of people who occupy a place in my life. If this real world is just a realistic illusion created by a repeater, then the people I care about will certainly not disappear; and if this is the only real world, the end of the illusion and the reality of the hospital are all mine. Delusion, then, the people I care about must also have a prototype in this only real world, because delusion never arises without roots.

"Jiang" is very special to me, but, assuming that the world is real, Zhenjiang, Misaki, Marceau, Bajing, Tie Se, and Dorothy do exist, but they do not intersect me. Under the circumstances, do I need to retrieve Jiang? "Jiang" is a special existence that "viruses" erode to the ones I love. There is no "virus", no infection, no patients with doomsday syndrome, and there is no basis for intersection between us. In other words, as Gao Chuan, can I find everything I am familiar with in order to have an intersection with them, so as to find a "virus" and cause infection?

The answer is no. Although, the emotions rushing in my heart have been clamoring all the time, bringing me back to that thrilling day. However, I think that is incorrect. It's not what I want. Walking on the way home, I remembered it. The reason why I embarked on the path of heroes, despite the fact that it has failed, is still a bumpy awakening-all I have paid is to save the people I love, but not for this rescue process. What is needed is nothing more than the result of "making them at least unnecessary to suffer from doomsday syndrome. The best case is to get them out of the conspiracy of the hospital. Return to daily life". For this result, I paid a lot.

Since it is not a process of salvation, but only a beautiful result, what is the difference from the world I have seen before? When the source of the disaster no longer exists, and everything has not yet begun, my consciousness. Have you already got the best result? Indeed, the choppy life of Doomsday Realm changed me, shaped me, and made me get things I never thought about before, but. Compared with my disregard for all consciousness, the result I want to achieve is undoubtedly discardable.

Even if it is between people, that precious friendship. Relationship, and even a seemingly bright life. You can give everything for someone. Even at the cost of death, it is a happy thing. For your love, it is a matter of pride to move forward in despair. However, since these are acceptable, then why can't you accept the "not started" price?

When I think of my consciousness, the uncomfortable noise inside me gradually subsides. I no longer have deliberate thoughts about this world. Whether this is a consciousness trap of reality or a repeater, it really doesn't matter. Just like the reality in the hospital, there is a certain difference between what I need to do and the end of the illusion. Whether I accept this world is actually not important. What is important is that I want to do something in this world.

What to do? The answer actually existed from the beginning, and neither in the hospital's reality or the end-of-day illusion, whether in reality or in vain, has ever changed.

I want to confirm whether the lives of Zhenjiang, Miyake, Bajing, Marceau, Seise, and Dorothy here are a happy result compared to the cruel environment of the illusion of the end and the reality of the hospital. In contrast, my loss, the disappearance of "Jiang", the disappearance of quarks, the absence of mysteries and anomalies are only a price that must be realized and paid, and as far as the cause-effect line is concerned, there is no need at all. Redeem.

I walked back to the daily residential building and opened the door. The room was quiet, and it seemed a little dark during the time when the lantern was first lit. I don't think there is anything abnormal, and I turn on the lights habitually. Because the parents are away on business, this home is slightly empty. After I washed my hands, I ran to the balcony, looking for the crow. However, I saw "it" in the bedroom connected to the balcony-it was a picture: the crow was under the big tree, pecking at the eyes of the corpse . All the paintings are in cool colors, deep and full of meaning. On the painting is the drawer's signature, Gao Chuan, which is my name. I suddenly "thought" that this was a story I didn't know from somewhere when I was a kid, which inspired inspiration and prompted me to paint the first formal oil painting after attending an oil painting interest class.

In fact, in terms of oil painting alone, it is not very good, that is, the first work officially drawn by a novice who has just learned oil painting. However, it is only because of my sensibility that I feel that it seems to have something suspicious. It has a moral meaning and is put in the eyes of other people. It is probably a rough and not too much work.

I framed the picture and hung it in my bedroom, facing it sooner or later, as if it had a profound meaning to me, but even I did n’t know what it meant. Perhaps, it is just a kind of emotional touch. Everyone always has something that impresses them, but it doesn't matter in the eyes of others.

Crow quark is probably such a thing.

Perhaps the inner psychological symbol is less than the profile written by Dr. Ruan Li in the hospital. At least, in the reality of the hospital, the crow quark is also a painting, but it is a symbol of the psychological shadow that I produced after "eating Zhenjiang". In this ordinary and everyday world, the ordinary me, naturally, cannot do such extraordinary things, let alone such a cruel psychological shadow. The preference for cool colors and eerie portraits may reflect a person's personality and certain psychological factors, but it is not a terrible thing, and it cannot even prove that such a guy is a weird person. It's a mental illness.

If, in an ordinary world. It can also involve my "unusual" side, maybe I will gladly accept this setting. The premise is that the Zhenjiangs did not fall into the cruel cause of the illusion of the end and the reality of the hospital.

I opened the drawer, took out the contents of my pocket, put it in, and picked up another cigarette and lit it. After determining what kind of posture the crow quark was, my mood was better, no exception. It means peace, maybe I do n’t want a peaceful life, I want to spend my life in a magnificent way, and use my life to chase the light of despair, but if the price is to make my loved one suffer and suffer, of course It's not worth it-even if it is. The women I love don't know me, and probably won't have any intersection with me.

Regardless of such a life, such a world, such a result, is it true or a repeater trap. I have calmed down and accepted the fact that I am in it. This is the world, no matter what I think, it is this, if you want to destroy it. There is a price to pay, and that price. It may be unbearable for me. Therefore, there are not many things that I can do, and perhaps, they are unnecessary. Brutal destruction of peace is not suitable for all worlds, nor does it conform to my knowledge.

After smoking a cigarette, as usual, I went to school for self-study after making my dinner.

"Are you sick?" Before the bell rang, Bajing turned and asked, "Are you better?"

My seat was moved, and the eight scenes as the monitor became my deskmate. I finally saw her, a girl who was not much different from her impression. I am very familiar with her, but although she is not strange to me, her friendship is not profound, just her classmates. Compared with her reality in the hospital, she is exactly the same as her in the doomsday illusion, with beautiful long hair, capable movements, full of a hard-working temperament, as the squad leader's responsibility, she has always done Very good, highly praised by teachers and classmates, even the thorns in the class, will not push back her orders, because she will always do better than others in the details of receiving people.

The original classmate seemed to relay his speculation to Bajing, who asked me like he usually treated sick students.

"No problem, just a little tired." I can only answer that.

Eight spots nodded, lowered their heads and continued to study the exercises. I withdrew my eyes and landed on the familiar exercise, but the pen in my hand was only drawing irregular lines on the draft. I want to ask if Bajing is happy, but how can I ask the outlet so straightforwardly? However, from the perspective of the normal learning state of Bajing, she is at least not in danger of life. Even if there is something uncomfortable, it is roughly the same as ordinary people. It is a problem of emotion and growth. In this world, there are no enemies that she must risk her life to defeat, and there is no weirdness and mystery to threaten her normal life. Although it does not mean that there are no natural disasters or man-made disasters, however, placed in a vast proportion of the population, her future and ordinary Compared with people, there will not be much difference. Growing normally, aging normally, dying normally, even if you encounter problems, it is also a problem that all ordinary people will encounter.

Living in such an ordinary world and becoming an ordinary person, are you satisfied with the eight scenes? Will it be happy? I looked at her like this and thought she was happy. However, it is because she does not have the memory of the illusion of doomsday, so there is no way to compare with her current life, and whether she feels contented and happy is the only conclusion she can make. No matter how much I expect her to live such a peaceful and peaceful life at this time, I cannot decide whether she is satisfied and happy because of this kind of thinking.

Although it is difficult to tell, it will be regarded as a weirdo, or she will be regarded as a premature love tendency, which will drag our relationship to an awkward freezing point, or some kind of unpredictable change will occur. . Eight scenes should be very familiar to me, but that is just her in the illusion of doomsday. In the memory of this world, I don't have much intersection with her. Talking about happiness with a girl who is familiar and unfamiliar and has only ordinary relationships. I have some hesitation in my heart, thinking about the way to speak, but before the bell of this self-study class sounded, I still confirmed my heart. The idea, no matter if it gets worse, should ask that sentence out.

The teacher of Xuntang will walk by the window, and occasionally into the classroom. The whispers of whispers in the classroom will follow one after another. The sky outside is very bright, although it appears a light, turbid orange red due to air pollution , But it makes me feel more peaceful, as if the sky should be like this. I could n’t help thinking of the wandering heavy rain that was contaminated by nuclear explosions in the illusion of apocalypse a few hours ago. The icy black flowing on the earth, and I could n’t help thinking of the chaotic and ever-changing gray fog in the temporary data hedge space. It seems that there is always a deadly danger out of sight and perception. In such a world, no matter how normal it is, it will remind people of strange and mysterious horrors. It seems that the next moment, the rest that is hard to get will be interrupted. Such a life is like always being in the stormy waves, always A familiar person died.

In this extremely real world, people enjoy peace and tranquility. Although it is not without the risk of accidents, most people will not be worried that they will be caught by the inexplicable death next moment. I never worry that people I know will disappear in the next moment. People can calmly and normally end their natural life, without having to consider the pain of torture. Even if there is an accident, it is only an accident that a few talents will encounter. The turbulent waves in life are never endless.

This is really a happy life.

My heart seemed to be filtered by this not-so-clear, but peaceful night. All the worries and burdens were left in the deep night, leaving only a calm. I turned over my homework and solved the formula after repeating countless times. And my soul, like this, was untied layer by layer.

When the bell rang, I closed my workbook, and I thought it would be very unnatural to ask questions, just like running water, naturally speaking to the eight scenes: "Eight scenes, I have something to ask you."

"Huh?" Bajing looked over.

"Do you feel happy? Are you satisfied in such a peaceful life?" I said so.

The eight scenes are a bit stunned. I understand that this is not a topic that students will usually mention. As far as I used to, I rarely pondered whether I was happy, but I still have my own questions about whether this peaceful daily life is satisfactory. The answer-I actually do n’t have a cold life at all. I have had many dreams. One of them is to become a hero. In my childhood, I had all kinds of arrogance. Even after going to school, in order to avoid myself and The people around me are out of place, and they are stepping on their daily paces step by step ~ lightnovelpub.net ~ But it is just a habit. In my heart, the arrogant and childish ideas have not faded. Therefore, when we first walked into the toilet to talk strangely, we only fought back in fear and gradually adapted to the strange and mysterious one after the other. Before entering the reality of the hospital, although the shadow of the end has always been on my mind, resisting it, countering it, destroying it, saving the world and becoming a real hero are the ideas that support my adventure in the mysterious world. power.

The reality of the hospital is like pouring cold water on me, but still unable to extinguish my blood facing the stormy waves. Perhaps, I prefer the world full of crisis to this calm and everyday world.

I understand, but I already have something that I care about more than I like. So, even my own favorite life, I will not give everything to get it.

The girl in front of me, this strange and familiar eight scene, is the person I care about. I hope she is happy and contented. If this is a world where she can get these things, then I am willing to ignore the possibility of repeater traps. It's too real here, so real that I can't hold it as an ideological illusion to destroy it unless I can find evidence that convinces me. (To be continued. If you like this work, you are welcome to come to the starting point () to vote for recommendation and monthly tickets. Your support is my biggest motivation. Please read it for mobile users.)