ps: The long eleven volumes are finally over. Today's temperature can already be regarded as the arrival of summer in me. ∽↗Top∽↗Point∽↗ 小 ∽↗ said that Takagawa's story will also burst into the final volume this summer, twelve volumes of "End of the Spiral."

Written in this part, as long as it can be successfully completed, it is a victory. What do you think?

In addition, Happy April Fool's Day, two more today.

Dr. Ruan Li looked at my eyes with penetrating power. I have always been certain that in her eyes, I have another image, but the difference in this image is because she lacks too much information and is supplemented by another part of the repeater information. This kind of supplementation is unreal to me. However, just this evening, she made me feel astonished that the intelligence gap between the two sides was by no means what I thought.

Dr. Ruan Li seems to prove that I am the weak side in intelligence.

"Because I didn't see?" I couldn't help asking, feeling ridiculous in my heart, but unable to deny this possibility.

To put it simply, in Dr. Ruan Li ’s observations, “Gao Chuan” portrays a complete adventure story in his diary. Although most of the stories are based on the first-person perspective, the plot is not lacking. From the omniscient third-person The "things that Gaochuan didn't know" described from the perspective is precisely "the things that Gaochuan didn't know", so after this part of the content was recorded, it was forgotten by "Gaochuan" himself, and the rest was in the first person The story described by the perspective also has a part about the "truth", which is ignored by Gaochuan.

In psychology cases, it is quite common to deliberately forget and ignore certain things. Now I am considered to be a mental patient with trauma in this respect-yes, in Dr. Ruan Li's report, my mental illness is very complicated. There are a number of complications, and every time I am pulled back to "reality" for some reason, it will relapse soon, and, again. Mental hallucinations become complex and complete again and again, making it increasingly difficult to recognize what is reality.

At present, it seems to be Dr. Ruan Li ’s attitude to describe my situation with the phrase “Ignore the truth”.

"Yes, just turn a blind eye. The most real situation is clearly in front of you, and you will think it does not exist." Dr. Ruan Li was not angry, but calmly unexpectedly, "but. Achuan, this is not your fault. You are sick, The etiology is even stranger than you think. I will tell you one by one, even if you will soon forget, now, let ’s take a look at your diary. This diary is what you recorded during this period of illness , And you must not remember it. Every diary cycle, your diary. Will form a relatively complete story line. And this time, you have also sorted out the titles of each volume. "

In the folder opened by Dr. Ruan Li, I saw the name of the story full of sight, but I ca n’t remember when I wrote it:

"Toilet Talk"

"Caged bird"

"Daily Split"

"Ecstasy"

Evil Force

"Intermortality"-This volume is marked with an asterisk. It seems to be different from other story collections.

"Chaos Head"

"Apocalypse"

"Burning City"

"crusader"

"Supernatural Twins"-This volume is marked "To Be Continued". According to my understanding, it should be a backup of the diary I am writing now.

A total of eleven volumes, I never remembered that I wrote so meticulously. I couldn't help but doubt that it was Dr. Ruan Li who sorted it out himself.

Dr. Ruan Li opened the document. In the excerpts she marked, a lot of third-person perspective did appear. Many of these contents are things that I have a vague impression, but I have no memory at all. The descriptions of Gao Chuan other than myself and the descriptions of Dorothy and the color are beyond the imagination-including In the reality of the hospital and the illusion of doomsday, from the first-person perspective of "I", things that are "being happening" and "has already happened" are all jumping on the paper.

The problem is that although I do n’t remember the content of the stories described in the third-person perspective in these stories, deducing from the details I still remember, there is a feeling that these third-person stories can be very good. To explain or supplement what I know, what I vaguely guessed, there is a vague sense of those situations.

As a party, when I look at the "things I don't know" about the story, I can't really express my mood at this time.

I feel that I am like a character from this huge and complicated story.

And this story seems to be true, just a story. It's hard to imagine that you are both the protagonist of the story and the author of the story—

No, I tried hard to think, using high-dimensional theory, maybe it can be explained. But why do you have to prove it yourself?

Because it was so shocking, I couldn't even make a sound.

"Look, you are as omniscient as God. No, it should be said that after you acted as God and filled the settings, you forgot this matter and returned to the identity of a story character." Dr. Ruan Li Say, "I have analyzed the characters in it, and my appearance seems to be very few, but, to put it bluntly, don't you think that Jiang, which you care about most, is actually shaped by me as a template?"

My brain turned fast, I felt like I had to say something, but there was nothing in the fevered brain. Instead, there was such an idea that crossed my mind: would n’t I be shocked by these circumstances.

No, it should be said that it has obviously endured so many incredible adventures, encountered different people, and understood the cognition produced by observing the world from different angles. There should be enough things. What Dr. Ruan Li said today is indeed incredible, but it should not be so shocking.

Yes, I think, although Dr. Ruan Li's perception of me and the expression of "true", although the content is novel, it should not be such that I can't even say a word.

Although thinking so. However, in my mind, except for this idea, I can't think of anything else.

I couldn't help being silent.

When should I be silent?

I don't know what kind of attitude I should behave, and violently opposed Dr. Ruan Li's claims? What's the point? Dr. Ruan Li will not think it is wrong because I said it was wrong. And I have no evidence of her mistakes. The information recorded in Gao Chuan's diary archived in this laptop, without mentioning right or wrong, has completely surpassed everything I have obtained from my personal perspective. What I know, what I do n’t know, has been expressed in detail in it. Even if it is forced to think that this part of "I do n’t know" is a fiction, Dr. Ruan Li ’s cognition based on these fictional contents. It is also wrong, but how do you prove that these "things I don't know" are wrong?

No, I think I'm a little confused, I don't need to prove it wrong at all. Because, Dr. Ruan Li's point of view is. The truth I think so far, the mystery involved. All are just my own fantasy stories, and I have completely recorded the story myself. These diary documents, to prove, only this:

The information I rely on is all fictitious. I don't have the foundation to persuade others, nor the foundation to let myself see through the truth, because under mental illness, I will always subconsciously ignore and forget, those details that can prove that these are all fictitious. Therefore, no matter how ridiculous it is, I can not realize from the spiritual consciousness that this absurdity should not exist, but will make up for these absurdities in a way of thinking and fantasy.

Is this a joke thought by fools? Too cold and too cruel. I don't want to believe it, I want to refute it, but I can't sort out what I want to express because I have too many thoughts and too much clutter.

Although I admit that I am a mental patient, I still feel extremely miserable to accept the fact that I have to face this level of mental illness. Even so, the feeling deep inside of me ... seems to be telling me that this is the case, and what I have experienced is actually just my own "creation". Moreover, this creation is not original, but a secondary creation based on what Dr. Ruan Li told me.

Wait, based on Dr. Ruan Li's story? My thoughts paused here. Then, out of that blank chaos. I no longer think about how I should refute Dr. Ruan Li's claims and what evidence can be found to prove myself correct.

I remembered that before Dr. Ruan Li gazed at me quietly, the last sentence said: "Jiang" in your diary, isn't it a character created with me as a template?

Let me sort it out:

First of all, I always think that this repeater world is a huge temporary data hedging space that is attached to the illusion of the end of the world. The reason why it can exist is because it is supported by the "spiritual integration device". The reason why this world is as it is now has a deep connection with the existence of Dr. Ruan Li, and Dr. Ruan Li may be the "repeater core".

Secondly, Dr. Ruan Li has never appeared in a doomsday illusion outside. The reason why she appears here is because she is also infected with doomsday syndrome in "Hospital Reality", but Ruan in "Hospital Reality" Dr. Li and Dr. Ruan Li in front of him cannot be completely identical. The latter is just a kind of existence similar to "spiritual personality projection" after being infected with "virus". Assuming that she is the "repeater core", this very special identity makes it difficult to think of how she is in "hospital reality" at this time. How is it different from ordinary patients with doomsday syndrome? It is difficult to determine whether or not to maintain the human form and access the end of the illusion through the color center.

Then, under the above premise, there is no direct relationship between Dr. Ruan Li and "Jiang". Rather, his identity in the world of repeaters is probably determined by "virus".

Yes, this is what I know about Dr. Ruan Li in front of me.

However, if we look at the current situation according to Dr. Ruan Li's statement, the previous situation is almost reversed:

First of all, what Dr. Ruan Li said in front of him is based on "this repeater world is actually the real world". If this Las Vegas repeater transformed by the Nazis is not the real world, then, what she said. You don't need to care too much. So, is there any evidence to prove that this repeater world is a temporary data hedge space attached to the illusion of the end, not the real world? I thought there was before, but it was broken by the diary document in the laptop. Because, my evidence, my cognition, was established on the basis that those diaries were "real experiences" rather than "fantasy experiences". Dr. Ruan Li ’s approach did not prove whether the world of repeaters is “true”, but to prove that the diary written by Gao Chuan based on his encounter and cognition, and the “truth” recorded therein. . All are hallucinations.

I can't admit it. Dr. Ruan Li did this, but even if I didn't think about it, but only felt it, I can't deny that what she said was not "absolutely absurd". It's not "nonsense", set aside my cognition. It is theoretically possible to think only from the perspective of "mental patients". On the contrary, the direction of my thinking, as she said, is trying to prove the absurdity of her rhetoric, but seems to prove it. There must be truth in it.

Secondly, Dr. Ruan Li said that I can't control my spirit and thinking direction. Once I think about it, it must be done from the perspective of avoiding the truth and making up for the flaws. This argument has a convincing basis-precisely because the patient can not control themselves. It is not possible to treat yourself effectively, so a more professional doctor is needed.

I remembered the question that Dr. Ruan Li asked me earlier: "Do you believe me?"

I think she asked me this question from a rather complicated perspective, and in this perspective, the relationship between doctors and patients must have taken up a lot of weight. Isn't it what doctors need most to convince patients? Conversely, the treatment of psychological spirit requires more trust than general medical treatment.

If I trust Dr. Ruan Li, then, of course, follow her statement and re-understand the world from her perspective.

And if I do n’t trust Dr. Ruan Li, no matter how true her statement is, I will only think in the direction of "everything she said is nonsense."

When I think of this, all the worries and restlessness in my heart calm down at once.

I looked up and looked at Dr. Ruan Li, she didn't avoid it. I glanced at the time again, almost before midnight. The sound insulation of the room is very good, and no sound from the outside can be heard, but this silence is not deserted and frightening. It is this silence that has made Dr. Ruan Li's sense of existence, as well as his sense of existence, stronger than ever before.

As if the whole world, at this time, only two people were left.

I can hear my breathing, and I even feel that my swelled emotions and thoughts made my skin scorching, which could be felt by Dr. Ruan Li on the opposite side.

I couldn't help but pull the collar and loosen the top button.

I have never been sure that "I have mastered the truth of the world", but because this is impossible to be sure, it is actually not very important to let all clues related to the "truth of the world".

The important thing is that I want to believe in the “hospital reality”, the doctors Ander and Ruan Li there, or, in fact, the doctor Ruan Li in front of me.

There is no doubt that the former is much earlier if it is only based on the time of contact. This advantage makes the former more realistic, and from the perspective of the former, it can also provide a relatively complete explanation of everything that it has encountered.

The timing of the latter is too embarrassing, and, from my own point of view, it is a little late. There are undoubtedly many disadvantages, but these disadvantages cannot prove "true" and "false". As before, as long as you turn the angle of looking at things a little, you will find that now Dr. Ruan Li's explanation is also complete.

Moreover, if I choose to believe Dr. Ruan Li in front of her, she will probably explain the "hospital reality" and "doom illusion" based on "this relay world is the real world" from a more angle. Right. And the situations she mentioned, including the mysterious organization of Doomsday Truth, once thought to be a cult, must also have a huge deviation from my cognition.

There is a huge contradiction between the truth of Dr. Ruan Li and the truth of the hospital. And when one's own cognition is based on this truth, it is inevitable to choose to believe one party and deny the other. Even if one party cannot be completely denied, trusting the other party will inevitably lead to the invalidation of a lot of information from the distrusting party.

E.g. Under the assumption that "hospital reality" is true, "Jiang" can be presumed to be a variant of "virus".

And if you believe in Dr. Ruan Li today, then, as she said before, "Jiang" may be a heroine of a story shaped by her image-in fact, I have been until now. It ’s hard to connect Dr. Ruan Li and “Jiang” in front of her, but because she mentioned this, so when you recall the little things you get along with “Jiang”, you will really feel a bit similar. .

"What is Jiang? Do you know? Mom." I couldn't help it.

"You wrote it clearly in your diary, didn't you? I fully understand your settings for it." Dr. Ruan Li said: "Although some of my images are included in its template, the elements that make up it are still. It ’s very complicated. I can also understand this kind of complexity, and I know more about the inspiration from its non-human side. I have already said that the story you wrote, the settings and the plot The arrangement is actually a prototype, and I know this prototype very well. "

"I'm in love with Jiang. You don't think ..." I didn't finish.

"It's okay." Dr. Ruan Li said quietly: "Achuan has a big part of the emotion you expressed in her diary. It's the performance of the Oedipus complex. Put my figure into the illusory lover that I have shaped. The most normal performance. The love, trust and protection you expressed made me very happy, so you do n’t need to be embarrassed.

Dr. Ruan Li said so, and I didn't want to say to her "I don't believe everything you said, I have no feelings for you".

I was silent. Suddenly, I must change my perspective of the world I have always believed in, including "Jiang", what I have loved and worked hard. Everything that created me and changed me is nothing but a mental patient's fantasy, a non-existent fiction, which is simply impossible. I feel that I really can't do it. As Dr. Ruan Li said, my thinking trend has been trying to prove that everything Dr. Ruan Li said is parity and fiction.

"Do you believe me? A Chuan." Dr. Ruan Li asked again, she had no unnecessary questions, her eyes were calm and full of penetrating power, let people know that she understood the reason for all the hesitation and silence in front of her, but, and Will not give up pressing step by step. She once said that in such a fierce way, the harm to the patient is huge, and the results achieved will become more risky. Long ago, she gave up on me. Even in the face of most patients, it is more inclined to soft therapy rather than irritating therapy.

So, why is she changing her moderate attitude and using such a stimulating and direct way again?

I don't see it. She decided to make a temporary decision, or she had planned it for a long time. Or, is there something that stimulated her during this seminar. Even if I recall the details of the past, I can't find the reason for her sudden intention. I can only think that she had been premeditated and decided long ago. When I took me to this seminar, I took this approach.

Then again, the reason she brought me over wasn't it just to treat me better?

"You are hesitating, it ’s okay, I can understand that because it ’s not your fault, you ca n’t control yourself, and the reason why you ca n’t control yourself is also very complicated. Just because you ca n’t solve it by yourself, you need me like this Dr. Ruan Li said: "However, from your diary, all I see is despair. Although Gao Chuan has been working hard, he still finds a solution to the problem. He can only throw a bet and believe his own. The "Jiang" who loves but is not human ... "Jiang" has my shadow. You can love it and believe it. I am very happy, but why not try to believe me who is right in front of you? Perhaps you can find another way to save the world from this trust. "

"Save the world?" I was a little stunned. "Trust you, and then save the world? Didn't you say that everything in the diary is fictional?"

"It is fictitious ~ lightnovelpub.net ~ However, there are prototypes." Dr. Ruan Li's expression was more serious and his eyes became sharper. "Including the end, there are also prototypes. You should not think that this is the real one. Reality, nothing happened? "

"What do you mean?" I hesitated, because, she mentioned a very serious situation, let my diary, and her reality began to integrate.

"I don't think you can save the world, Achuan." Dr. Ruan Li said: "However, the end of the world exists. Now, in 1999, the end of the world has already begun."

I looked at each other. The end of the world that she said is different from the progress of the end of the world in the repeater that I observed from the perspective of "hospital reality" and "doom illusion", but it is not completely irrelevant.

The end does exist.

and so--

"Trust me, become a doomsday agent, and then, try to be a hero. A Chuan." Dr. Ruan Li said so.

... (to be continued ...)