"Si Sen, Si Sen ... Si Sen! Hey, wake up, Si Sen." Father Si Sen heard the voice faintly. He felt that he didn't close his eyes, but he felt a sudden wake up and was caught by two monsters. The earth-shaking anomalous scene quickly blurred, and another warm but deep tone was magnified in the retina a little bit. As the sight in front of me became clear, the voice that called me also had more texture. Father Sisen felt a tingling sensation coming from his right wrist, as if the electric current went straight down the nerve to the eyeball, making him twitch in half of his face, and made him awake a lot at once.

He opened his eyes wide, shook his head, and felt a lot of consciousness. Then he realized that he was staying in the room. The fire light from the fireplace illuminated most of the room. The shadow of the small half jumped with the fire and went to the corner The more dull. There was a familiar and gentle scent flowing in the air, he could not remember where he was in a moment, and a peaceful sense of sight filled his heart, so that the accumulated fear was eased, even so, he Still shrinking his body.

Father Sisen looked at him silently and in surprise, and there were still some sparse fragments in his mind: unspeakable monsters, doom-like places, and various strange phenomena ... Despite the memory, these fragments have Dull like a dream that has passed. At this moment, his own body is very different from his own horrible and ugly body in the dream. At least he still looks like a human.

Father Si Sen did not forget that he was a mysterious expert, nor did he forget the mysterious events that had passed through, and the intellectuality and sentiment that were finally preserved through various tribulations. All the surprises he produced were not a nightmare for himself, or a sense of ambiguity in which the dream and reality were indistinguishable, and definitely not that he suddenly returned from a tragic battlefield to a quiet shelter A room like this, but just because I was so familiar with the situation at this time.

It's like ... It's like going back to a certain moment in the past, going back to a place that has been forgotten by yourself, or you want to forget.

There is nothing strange about this. It is not uncommon for similar things to happen in mysterious events. The power of ideology is enough to make people fall into dreams and never wake up. But at this time ... what else will happen?

Father Xi Sen heard the familiar voice again: it was a man, the volume was not light, heavy, not decadent, nor anxious, and could only be described as plain, just like calling his family habitually at home first name.

"Xi Sen, you finally woke up," the man said.

Father Sisen finally wanted to come. This sound, this room, this scene in the firelight of the fireplace was not a unique day. The person who called himself ... He turned his head and looked, as expected, he was a middle-aged man in a godfather's robe. His familiar face was not as old as it was, but he was already covered with white hair and crow's feet. Compared with most people, although they are full of intellectual feelings, they are not as unique as most people. Of course, the appearance of this kind of appearance is absolutely wrong in this person. of. The inner part of this godfather cannot be described by the word "charm", but it is terrible.

"Father Edward." Father Sisen said the man's name.

This is a face that I could only see a long time ago. In the memory of Father Sissen, the man in front of him did not do too much at this age. He thought, in a moment of silence, there is a kind of understanding, why he is here, why he sees his counterpart in this appearance, it is needless to say, can not be explained clearly, but it really can not make him feel Surprised.

Yes, Father Edward, he is here. This is a dream, this is a memory, but it is not just a dream, as if there is a revelation flowing in the quiet air. The light fragrance, the musty smell of the bookshelf, the smell of ink blended with various materials, and the rustling sound of the pen moving on the paper. All this is like yesterday.

Father Edward sat behind his desk and stared across a stack of thick papers. Father Sisson propped himself up with his hands and sat upright on the sofa. He didn't avoid Father Edward's gaze, though he didn't know what Father Edward wanted to say. This scene that happened at this time seems to have happened in the past. On that day, it seems that I was also awakened by the other party. Then, I also sat upright like this, waiting for Father Edward to speak down.

"Xi Sen, what is the soul?" Father Edward's question seemed to come from a distant past.

"There is no soul." Father Sisen replied as always.

He saw Father Edward tapping on the paper with the tip of his pen, and he couldn't see any emotion in his face, but in terms of feeling, his answer didn't seem to be overwhelming, at least for Father Edward.

After a while, Father Edward asked again: "What is it?"

"The sum of self-existence is manifested in physical properties." Father Sisen said, paused, adding: "The person who is the outline of self-cognition is the manifestation of the former, the basis of contact, and the beginning of the gap.

"There is no soul, so there is no deformation on the soul. It is just the physical manifestation of self-existence, which is the appearance of the contour of self-cognition in front of others. Therefore, the deformation is only the initial change in the surface of the self." Father Edward said so , The flat-eyed gaze hung down again, and I did n’t know what was being written. I continued with a non-remarking tone: “You look at yourself with such a philosophical view, all from production, from appearance, and those involved The pain of self-imagery will be difficult to save you. Xisen, you are a person who is indifferent to pain, personally I think that this is not a good thing. Maybe you will be very rational, and you are also used to suppress emotional distortions with reason , And the illusion of being born based on sensibility, but this also means that it is difficult for you to get used to those things that are generated from sensibility, it is difficult to break free, it is difficult to fight, there is no experience, and there is not enough means. You do not have enough experience, also You ca n’t get enough cognition. In the mystery, the things that can be resisted by reason and the methods of resisting things by reason are very narrow . "

Speaking of which, Father Edward pointed his finger at Father Xi Mori, saying, "I can predict that there will be a moment after all, the emotional burning will start when you can't notice, and end in a way you can't imagine, And you will be burned to death like a pagan, and you can only bear it resentfully, but this kind of bearing is meaningless, because it will not change anything, just like those who were judged by heretics in the Middle Ages, forgotten and become The judge ’s condiments and nutrients will be nothing to you. "

"Really?" Father Sisen didn't answer positively, but his tone was not hesitant, nor did he flinch.

"Yes, it must be so." Father Edward said with certainty: "But, Sissen, I see you as out, you are my son, no matter what the future becomes, I do not want you to bear this kind of Meaningless pain, and I don't want you to fall into that situation. "He stared at Father Sisen, and he did not produce unnecessary emotions because of the resolution and stubbornness of this young man in his eyes, as if he was just elaborating a fact:" I Love you, so I want to save you. Maybe you will gradually forget what you are today, and forget what I said to you here, maybe there will be some kind of mysterious power that will save me from trying to save you from you Deprived of my mind, but, I will still use all means to save you, just because I love you, son. I ca n’t be sure what kind of means it will be and where it will be, but I ’m pretty sure that I must You will get enough power to save you at that critical moment, and then you will recall the day ... yes, this is a signal. "

"What do I need to do?" Father Sisen was impressed, because he sitting on this sofa is no longer the past. The wisdom and the will he possessed are more powerful than the one on this day, and he understands More affair. Even so, he did not refute Father Edward ’s statement, especially the most critical word in this statement: he loves him, they are the godfather and adopted son, but they have the emotion of biological father and son. This is undoubtedly from the past to the present. They have never been denied by themselves.

So, just as I said the same thing, Father Sissen just asked: What do I need to do?

"You don't need to do anything." Father Edward continued to write, without looking up: "There is no need to do anything, don't rely on the so-called subjective and objective, don't ignore the sensitivity and reason, don't refute the truth and falsehood If you seem to be asleep, dreaming, hazy, hazy, and accept ... accept the changes that have happened to you, you will know that I brought it to you, maybe terrible, Maybe you do n’t understand what it is, maybe it is difficult to accept from various human concepts, but it does not matter, as long as you know, I love you and want to save you. "

Father Sisen, as Father Edward said, did not distinguish between dream and reality. He had a clear understanding of his situation at this moment, because the fear in his heart was temporarily gone, but it did not weaken. , That unknown, incomprehensible, full of destructive power, did not disappear because he was in a room full of both sight and sight. He already understood why he was here and why he saw Father Edward. All this, as Father Edward said before him: this is a brand, a sign, a revelation, a hint, that the father is for the son The miracles brought about, everything displayed here, no matter how terrible, how incomprehensible, how full of both the sense of sight, and how indistinguishable dreams and reality are caused by the power of love.

Long ago, on that day, Father Edward must have said the same thing.

"... Maybe you will be happy?" Father Edward asked suddenly.

"Yes, I will be very happy." Father Sisen said very surely.

"I've never told you about the Six Six Six Disguise, but I know that there is such a gray fog demon disguise is extremely powerful, but it does not make me strong, but makes you become Powerful. "Father Edward said:" I can't control it, but maybe you can, because, when I become it, it will become part of you. I created it for you. "

"No, it's not just for me." Father Sisen shook his head. "Father Edward, you never give for someone."

However, Father Edward laughed: "Do you think you already know me? It's naive, you can't see everyone, even the people around you, Xi Sen. I will also give for someone, especially my son. When meaningless death and pain, no, it should be said that if you encounter meaningless death and pain, it must be when I have been unable to protect myself. "

"You also have a lot of important things to do, and you also want to do those things well," Father Sisen said.

"Maybe, many things are very important, my son, you are not the most important, but who stipulates that at the last moment of life, you must do the things that are most meaningful and important to you. "Father Edward smiled, and there was a taste of drama that condensed all his life." My life pursued the meaning of pain, and peered into the truth of the end from the meaning of pain, but the same, I am also very certain , My life should not only pursue these things, because I am a person, not a god. I want to be a god, but before I become a god, I am still a person, a simple life without impurities, is not in line with Meaning of life. "

"So, you have pursued something for a lifetime, and you have to give it up at the last moment of your life?" Father Sisen asked back. "Just like this, just stop before the end and make your choices flawed? Make yourself a clown." ? "Although sharp, it does not carry emotions such as anger or resistance.

"Did you know? In front of the end, Xi Sen, we have always been clowns, everyone is. Whether you accept or resist, it is a fact. So, it is not me who chooses to become a clown, but mine Choice does not change the fact that I am a clown. But what does it matter? My love for you will not fade because I am just a clown, whether I choose to be a clown or I am always just a clown The clown will not make me not love you. "Father Edward said this, picked up the top book, turned it over, and recited it in a hushed voice:

"A gloomy midnight,

Facing many strange and bizarre books that have long been forgotten,

I meditate alone, lazy and exhausted;

When I started to doze, almost fell asleep, suddenly there was a tap,

As if someone is tapping lightly

I'm whispering softly,

That's all, nothing else.

I pushed open the window ~ lightnovelpub.net ~ With a flutter of wings,

A sacred crow walked solemnly into my room;

It neither greeted me nor stopped for a moment,

But perched on the door of my room in the manner of a gentleman and a lady,

This black bird tricked my sad hallucination into a smile,

With its old and mature face, a serious and gentle look,

Tell me: Never return! "(Unfinished to be continued ...)

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