I'm falling, no matter how hard I try to go upstream, I'm still falling. I want to run, but at this time I can't feel myself running anyway. The fatal ups and downs, the rhythmic grunting grunt are all telling me a situation that is too sharp. I was bruised and bruised by the sharp thorns that only I could realize.

Even so, I am still struggling desperately, desperately upstream, desperately calling, in this empty, as if I have everything and seem to have nothing to call in the dark.

I am here! I am here! I'm not dead yet!

I-don't want to end here. My plan, my dream, my life ... can't just be abandoned in this way.

If this is the case, when you are running and you are about to do something, everything is interrupted, then ... is n’t it funny?

No matter who it is, who will be my hero?

I shouted, only grunting.

Suddenly, there was a touch on my shoulder, and then my chest. Behind me, it was like an invisible person hugged me. The warm and sturdy touch instantly illuminates this dark and deep sea of ​​terror.

"I'm here, Achuan. I said, I've always been by your side, always there." The sound that was so familiar that it made people feel unconsciously to indulge in breaking the silence in the darkness and passing me in In the ear.

At the next moment, the terrible scenery of "sinking into the sea" collapsed like an illusion. In front of me, the mechanical, pale, complicated and vast scenery of the ruling bureau was still full of destruction, destruction, Sad and painful war. And I, unconsciously, have escaped from the rapid swept and stopped. An unexplained sense of exhaustion spread from my brain to the limbs. I felt that my body was weak and I was all held by Fu Jiang and held on, before I fell.

From which absolute time point does the illusion start? Was that one of my ideas while running a chance? What was the "tentacle" that grabbed me from that abyss of thinking? What does that suffocating world like the sea represent? These problems are constantly emerging in my heart. They are like a devil, entangled me from the past to the present. I do n’t want to think about the answers to these questions. Even, if I can choose, I do n’t even want to produce these ideas today. However, they have always appeared in my mind regardless of what I have done, making me feel pain.

Thinking is really a painful thing.

The harm caused by thinking will always remain in people's hearts, even if it encounters more later, it is enough to tell yourself that you can disdain or laugh at these injuries. In the silent night when you don't want to think about anything, on the occasion of a glance in the plain life, this scar will suddenly jump out, making you wonder if you are dreaming. The more you think about it, the deeper the scar will be. In the face of this deep scar, all forgetting is a lie.

After all, people will remember from their fragments of life the pain that was once forgotten by themselves, and make a nightmare in a trance that they have long forgotten.

"I can't breathe, I can't breathe." I never thought that this sudden nightmare-like hallucination would make me so embarrassed. I haven't experienced such hallucinations in the past, but, in terms of feeling, both depth and intensity are very different levels. It was like when I didn't even notice it, I suddenly became sensitive to such injuries.

It came too abruptly. I didn't even think about it when I was swiftly sweeping. It would suddenly penetrate into my mind in such a strong way.

If it ’s not Fu Jiang ’s hug, the “I” here might really break down. And is this kind of injury really because I am "Gaochuan", a patient with doomsday syndrome? Or is it because I follow normal logic that it should never appear, so this "violating" self is punished? Now I do n’t know. This is not that I am unwilling to figure it out, but that I have no such ability at all.

"It's okay, it's okay, Achuan ... don't be afraid ... it's okay." Fu Jiang's voice came close to my ears, and it seemed to be far away from the horizon for a while, and it seemed to be close at hand. Her voice is also an illusion of her own, "I am here, I have always been by your side, Achuan."

I gasped hard, and the suffocation gradually weakened in Fu Jiang's voice. I felt like a drowning man. I almost became a pool of water, but, as Fu Jiang said, that The terrible illusion has passed.

"Do you want to stop?" Fu Jiang asked, her hug as powerful as her voice, making me feel like I couldn't say anything to stop.

No, I am not willing to stop there. I still remember my intense desire when I was suffocating in that illusion. In this world, no one can save me, no one can be my hero, so I have to save others and end this terrible reincarnation. Fu Jiang pulled me out of the illusion, but she couldn't be my hero because ... because ...

why? Fu Jiang and other "Jiang" gave me so much help, but I never thought they were my heroes. I just love her, and I know very well that this passionate love is completely different from the vision and love for the hero. Is it because, in fact, I also have to admit the relationship between "jiang" and "virus"? Is it because I actually understand that even if "Jiang" and "Virus" are distinguished by definition, it cannot be denied in fact that it is also the culprit that caused me and everyone to experience these irreparable pains? ?

Yes, I think so. Like a mental patient with multiple personalities who killed a person because of a murderous personality, will the victim ignore its subject and just hold the criminal personality accountable? Although in many countries, laws will be used to distinguish between the crimes of mental patients and the crimes of normal people, but can this rational division give relief to the victim's emotions?

Absolutely not.

No one can try the "virus" because people can't even catch the tail of the "virus", but whether the culprit can be tried and punished is not directly related to how the culprit is treated-"jiang" and "virus" The relationship is precisely the reason why it ca n’t escape from sin. From a rational point of view, it also needs the two to continue to have such a relationship, so that all current plans-whether it is mine or Dorothy. Yes-the possibility of success.

I can't treat Fu Jiang as a hero, perhaps because, as a kind of personality embodiment of "Jiang", Fu Jiang's existence can't cut off the relationship with "virus" anyway, and this kind of relationship is also my plan to promote my own. The key is, therefore, I cannot completely cut Fu Jiang and other "jiang" from "virus" from my heart, as another independent existence to recognize.

In my love for Fu Jiang, I have a blazing blame, but I also have undeniable guilt. I can even feel the sorrow and pain from this fierce love-not only for Fujiang, but also for others.

I think that in this world, there is no more complex emotion than I feel-if there is, those people are already dead.

Even so, I must come to an end. This is my own choice, my love, my love, my choice of life, my choice of battle, since I did not choose to commit suicide, then no matter how much torture, I must go to myself Can't walk. I said this to myself, my limbs still haven't recovered all the energy, but in this weak self-examination, in this moment of pain, sorrow and complexity, I can't help but want to laugh.

I didn't understand why I laughed. It was like tortured to the end of people's madness, and people couldn't help but want to laugh.

Probably I really laughed. My head is so chaotic, I don't feel too direct.

"Well, you laughed." Fu Jiang said, she seemed to hear the voice in my heart, but it may just be that I didn't notice that I was already talking to myself nervously?

"Well, you are talking to yourself, Achuan." Fu Jiang's arms became tighter and warmer, and I felt my soul would melt in her embrace.

It wasn't until this time that I heard my own voice, I heard myself say: "LKE ...... Sand ... babble ... babble ... JAMG ... # ￥ %% & ￥ # @ # ￥% …… & +" This What a terrible sound, even if I heard it myself, I could n’t believe it was the sound I could make—no matter whether it ’s physiological or conscious—it ’s impossible to make such a sound—but I do listen Arrived.

I have a pronunciation similar to "Jiang" in my voice, but I am not sure whether I am referring to "Jiang" as I know it. I do n’t even understand what I ’m talking about. This voice should have content, but it is full of messy and fragmented feelings. The more I regurgitate myself after being reminded by Fu Jiang, the more I suddenly heard the sound I made, the more an extraordinary fear got into my brain, eating the already sane reason.

I am shaking, even if Fu Jiang ’s hug is so tight, I can clearly feel her chest is full, and her body is so soft and warm, but this is full of human nature, and I ca n’t stop shaking . I have a feeling more clearly than at any time: it is closer, closer.

What is it? I ca n’t answer. I just think that the closest thing to this meaning is “virus”. However, in terms of how I feel about the word, it ’s unpredictable. By default, the “virus” of all etiological subjects is like a “fragment” . The reason why a "virus" is called a virus is because it is more like a simple instinctive operation, and the result is complicated by a chain reaction. However, the operation mechanism of any "virus" is simple and simple. Powerful-Because of its simplicity, it has terrible power, which can make people feel free to drill.

But what if the "virus" is not just such a simple virus? No, from the symptoms of the Doomsday Syndrome, it is certain that "viruses" will not be simple. Including me, all researchers may still think the culprit of patients with doomsday syndrome is too simple, or the culprit is too beyond imagination, so in the end, only the "virus" is most in line with our own common sense, and not Don't use it to completely replace those parts that you know very well.

We are not unaware of this by ourselves. It ’s just that "virus" is tricky enough. If "virus" is not just a virus, but something above it, then all the will to resist will collapse ——The protection mechanism of human itself may have been working since we tried to explore the “virus”. This mechanism prevents us from recognizing it as a “virus”, so that we can continue to study instead of crashing immediately. .

However, such protection is still one-sided and fragile in the face of that terrible existence. I feel that it is getting closer and closer, and is approaching the earth from a non-physical, non-physical angle. Because of its proximity, its influence is constantly expanding.

Moreover, I feel that another me, the body-styled Gaochuan, must have felt it, and had the same feeling as I did at this time, maybe even nightmares and hallucinations will show inexplicable continuity.

"There is no time, Ajiang, we have no time." I tried my best to free myself from the arms that seemed to melt when I indulged into it ~ lightnovelpub.net ~ grabbed Fu Jiang's shoulder with a kind of proof Mood, said to her: "It's coming, isn't it?"

"It? What is it?" Fu Jiang just smiled with a look that didn't seem to be fake, and then smiled, "You are too nervous, A Chuan, there won't be anything coming at all, everything that should be there, already It ’s here. I did n’t come and did n’t leave. ”

Is my feeling wrong? Is it because of my own limitations that I have misunderstood? Was my condition aggravated again, so that the illusion was so profound that even the instinct of the mysterious expert could no longer be trusted?

"I've been talking all the time, don't be afraid, I've always been by your side, always there, why is Achuan always unable to remember? Why is Achuan just unable to understand?" Fu Jiang showed a slightly troubled expression, but then, This kind of trouble is like snow melting, "However, it doesn't matter, because I have always been by Achuan."

She said that I couldn't understand, I originally wanted to refute. The phrase "always stay by my side" is so clear and clear that there is no possibility of misunderstanding at all. Even if the significance of the extension is very rich, its basic meaning is still concise. However, just when I was about to refute, I was suddenly unable to speak. Are the meanings I have understood all the meanings of this sentence that Fu Jiang said? I am actually not sure.