Tears started to shed bit by bit, blurred vision and burned eyelids. The city outside the window gradually evolved into a familiar sight of London. The streets, rivers, and buildings staggered into a black and white chessboard, and finally transformed. Become a colorless cage, imprisoned with wings longing for freedom.

Then, all the emotions disappeared like this, no anger, no loss, no annoyance, no confusion, just a simple feeling of sadness.

He is like a lost child. Standing at the crossroads, helplessly and blankly raised his head and looked around. I don’t know how to ask for help or where to go. I seem to be abandoned by the whole world. I can’t find a place to rely on, and I can’t find my home. I couldn't help crying sadly.

He clenched his teeth stubbornly and refused to let the sound leak from between his teeth. It was all stuffed in his chest, but the sadness deep in his eyes flickered among the crystal clear tears. The world was falling apart bit by bit, and the muffled cry burst out with a piercing pain and bitterness, which made people feel sad, trying to comfort them, but didn't know what to do.

Philip slowly parked the car on the side of the road, and looked at Lan Li in the rear seat quietly through the rearview mirror. He let all the sadness be released, and seemed to have taken off all the precautions, even with Philip's nose. Unable to feel a little sour, the night in his memory resurfaced in his mind.

It was the winter of 1993, when Lanly was only four years old. A very ordinary night, there was no strong wind, no goose feathers and heavy snow, just scattered light rain, like countless London winter nights. In general, everything is normal.

In the early hours of the morning, Philip checked all the doors, windows and gas, and was about to end his day's work. He returned to the bedroom to sleep and rest, but found Lan Li in the corridor on the second floor:

He was wearing pajamas and pajamas, left the room barefoot, squatted in the corner of the corridor with his hands on his knees, buried his head between his knees, sitting quietly, just like that, as if he was a whole person. Melted into the dense night, almost can't feel the sense of existence.

"Master Lan Li." Philip was a little surprised, because nothing special happened that night, he couldn't imagine Lan Li would do such an unusual behavior:

George stayed in the club for socializing and did not return; Elizabeth went to Manchester temporarily after dinner and would not return at night; Elf stayed in the school library to study and would not return to the main house; Edith and Arthur were both. Stayed in the school dormitory and did not go home.

As for Lan Li, he read some books in the study after the dinner. When he brought in refreshments, he briefly communicated for a while. Lan Li seemed to be reading medical books and asked him some questions. This is the whole situation. , Everything is normal.

But the accident happened like this.

When Philip called, Lan Li did not raise his head, and the low, muffled cry came from between his knees, echoing faintly in the corridor, not howling or crying, but it was able to Feel the sadness from the heart in that broken voice.

Lan Li just cried quietly and quietly for a long time, and Philip did not leave, just waiting quietly.

The passage of time lost its meaning. I don’t know how long it took, and then Renly’s immature voice came from between his knees with a thick nasal sound, and said a word that he has not been able to forget so far, "Philip, Will I be the only one from now on?"

Philip is always different when he treats Lan Li. In this child, he saw more things, unlike the other three children in the Hall family. His sight always stayed on Lan Li’s body, curious. What will happen in the future is like caring for your own child.

He knew it was wrong. He is just a housekeeper, this is just a job, he is closely related to the fate of the Hall family, but he must also remain objective and independent, and must not cause too much entanglement, otherwise his job will be dereliction of duty, this is not a professional housekeeper The emotion that should be possessed.

But after all, it is different.

After that, Philip had never seen such a blue gift again, such a lonely and lonely blue gift, so helpless, such a dazed blue gift.

Until today.

In a dull and heavy voice, Lan Li's voice came through hoarsely and arduously, revealing a moment of fragility, and then he asked the same question.

As it was twenty-one years ago.

He remembered, he remembered.

Philip opened his mouth slightly, but he couldn't make a sound. He looked at Lan Li through the rearview mirror. His eyes were full of sorrow and weakness, as if he was stuffed with cotton in his chest. He was so dull and uncomfortable. I want to vent but I can't find an outlet, I don't know what to do.

Lan Li raised his head, met Philip's sight through dim tears, and said word by word, "Answer me." Lan Li, who was always calm and self-sufficient, always clever and wise, seemed like a beggar. Lollipop’s child-like, unreasonably said the request, and then insisted on stubbornly.

Lan Li stared at Philip sadly, the stubbornness and fragility in his eyes existed at the same time, but the contradiction was harmoniously swirling in the teardrops, "Answer me!"

But Philip couldn't speak, all the words were stuck in his throat like this, clumsy like never before.

He wants to stay, but unfortunately, he can't.

George forced Philip to persuade Lan Li. George is a baron, the Patriarch of the Hall family, and Philip's boss. As a housekeeper, Philip does not have much room for resistance. He can refuse and has the right to refuse, but the initiative is always firmly in George's hands.

It's like using Denise Stevens to clamp Edith.

Philip knows that George and the others will not give up. Even if he disagrees, George and the others can use different methods to coerce Renly. The methods and methods may be different, but the result is the same. Unless Philip takes the initiative to leave, he will always do it. It is Lanly's weakness.

Philip also has his own persistence. He refuses to hurt his family for fame and gain, he refuses to discredit others for himself, he refuses to abandon dignity for survival, and he refuses to forget pride for glory...just like an ancient and rigid hereditary aristocracy, he persists. With those stupid, useless, crazy, old, absurd rules, and then just withdraw from the stage of history in the natural law of survival of the fittest.

If "evolution" means giving up his persistence, then he would rather be eliminated than abandon himself for the "survival of the fittest".

Stupid, right?

Philip knew it was stupid, but he was willing to stick to it. What's more, he is already an old guy who has stepped into the mud half of his body, and will be eliminated sooner or later. Then, it is better to insist on the last bit of pride like this, at least when death comes, he can be ashamed of his heart.

It's as if Lan Li also insisted on Lan Li.

So Philip chose to resign on his own initiative, bid farewell to the post he had held all his life, and chose to return to his hometown. Perhaps, it was eliminated by the times.

It's just... he can no longer protect Lan Li.

The fool who chased his dreams, the fool who plunged his head and smashed himself into bruises, the fool who had won the whole world as long as he could sleep well, the fool who walked alone because of fear of harm, The child who ran out barefoot on a rainy day and got a fever... He thought he would protect him to the end of his life, but now this promise cannot be fulfilled.

Twenty-one years ago, Philip replied, "Master Lanly, I am here"; but 21 years later, Philip could not say this again.

Lan Li stared at Philip, but he did not wait for a response, and then he was heartbroken little by little. The anger slowly permeated from the depths of his soul, and finally he could no longer remain calm.

"What do they want?"

"What do they want?"

"I've never targeted them. I don't care, I don't care about all of them! They just need to... just leave me alone as before, that's good! That's all my requirements! They can enjoy everything in London , I don’t care about all of those things! Take it! Take it all! Just pretend that they don’t exist and live like this, isn’t this what they are best at?"

"Why? Why do they always think about being able to make a difference? Why do they always want to have everything? All I want to have is so little...just so little freedom and warmth, why do they take it away? Why do they Can't you let me go?"

"They hurt Arthur and Edith, they hurt Elf, but no one at UU reading www.uukanshu.com will accuse them, why? Because they gave us life, so they can do whatever they want? Because they use it. Money nurtures us, so they can trade us as tools? Because they carry the titles of father and mother, they can manipulate our lives as they like without being responsible?"

"Why?"

"Why!"

"I can't even call the place where they exist as'home', and then they even wipe out your existence! Why? Does my existence have no weight at all? Is it your life? Does dedication have no meaning at all? Can they not feel even a little warmth? Are they all heartless?"

"What are they insisting on and what am I insisting on? Who can tell me? Philip, answer me, God, I need you to answer me! I'm tired, I'm really tired, why are they always so greedy , Why can their desire/hope never be satisfied? Why do they always want to control the world? Why do their madness never see the end?"

"why?"