Xie Qingcheng finally went to the United States.

Xie Xue's physical condition was not good after physical examination. She was hit too hard. The doctor said that she had obvious pregnancy anxiety and the symptoms were very serious. If Xie Qingcheng didn't cooperate at this time, she might not be able to support it anymore.

Since the age of fourteen, Xie Qingcheng never lived for himself.

Even if the case has come to light now, it seems that his fate has not changed.

Because the procedures were all handled by the Wei family, it was done very quickly. Soon after Xie Qingcheng was discharged from the hospital, he would be ready to leave the country for treatment. The week before he left, Chen slow asked him to meet.

Chen Slow was also seriously injured in the naval battle and spent more than a month in the hospital before recovering.

The meeting place he originally sent to Xie Qingcheng was the vegetarian restaurant they had been to, but after Xie Qingcheng received the news, a few minutes later, he replied to him and said to change the place , so I made another appointment with a Zen tea house.

Chen slow arrived first, waited in the room for a while, Xie Qing presented. Chen slow looked back to see him, although he had been prepared, he was still shocked, and then it was completely unpleasant.

"Brother..."

I haven't seen each other for just over a month, Xie Qingcheng looks like he is more than ten years older.

And now, the coldness in his eyes is still there, but the ruthlessness that supported him seems to have disappeared. This made him look very tired, sick, and withered, and his whole body showed some abnormal pallor, like a ghost that was reluctantly kept in the world.

In the past, when Xie Qingcheng and Chen Wan sat together, although they could see the age difference, it was not so great that people saw the difference.

Now it is very obvious.

Xie Qingcheng sat down in front of him, Chen Gan stared at him for a while, before he could speak, the circles of his eyes first turned red, he turned his face to one side and held back his tears, Then he looked at him again.

Xie Qingcheng: "It's been a long wait."

"Not too long..."

"It hurts?"

"Hmm."

"That's good."

The dialogue between the two was unusually unfamiliar, as if there was an invisible film blocking them.

In the end, Chen Qian couldn't help it anymore and broke the film - touching the content that was almost taboo for the two of them: "Brother... I'm sorry... If, if I knew that he was not The people from Duan Wen’s side, then I will definitely not…”

"The one who killed him was not you, not your teammates. Not you. You are just acting according to the law." Xie Qingcheng leaned on the chair, folded his arms, and looked at Chen Wan with his eyes— Although one of them has lost any focus, nothing can be seen.

He said, "It was me who killed him."

Chen slow: "No, brother...don't think like that..."

Xie Qingcheng lowered his eyelashes, as if he did not want to continue this topic.

A cup of hot tea steamed in front of the two of them, silently overflowing with steam.

Chen slow wiped her tears: "Brother, your eyes..."

"You are the last person to see him." Xie Qingcheng didn't care about his eyes, but suddenly said this to Chen Man.

Chen slow: "… um."

A few seconds of silence.

Then Xie Qingcheng asked: "Then what happened to his last... can you tell me."

Chen slow did not answer, after a while, a tear fell on the table in front of him.

He Yu finally laughed up to the sky on the boat, his expression was crazy and sad, anyone could see his despair at that time, and he even asked Chen Gan to shoot him personally. The appearance of Chen Wan made him give up his last desire to survive. He felt that Xie Qingcheng did so decisively to protect Chen Wan.

In the last few seconds, He Yu's eyes were full of sadness and hatred.

How can Chen slow tell Xie Qingcheng?

Xie Qingcheng has lost an eye and has become so rotten and dilapidated, how can Chen slow insert a sharp knife into his heart.

Sometimes silence is an answer.

Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes.

Chen slow said sadly, "Brother...you...really like him, don't you?"

“…”

"I used to think that you were forced to be with him, or that you had to be with him for some reason, but..." Chen slow didn't speak any more, tears falling one by one.

Xie Qingcheng didn't say he liked it, nor did he say he didn't like it.

What do you like…

Is it the feeling that someone like him who cannot give He Yu 100% trust would have?

He has seen true love. In that love, he has seen the most enthusiastic eyes in the world, heard the most sincere confession in the world, and received the protection of the world alone.

In that love, he has seen what it means to have no complaints and no regrets, what is a moth to a fire, what is infatuation, and what is unswerving.

None of those were his.

He has never given He Yu anything, how can he say he likes it?

Chen slow looked into his eyes worriedly: "Brother...don't do this anymore...after you go to the United States, you should take good care of your illness...okay? The investigation and pursuit of Duan Wen have not yet been carried out. At the end, the biggest black hand has not been brought to justice, I want... I want you to be able to witness the death of my uncle and aunt, my eldest brother... and... and He Yu's organization, to be able to have all members Fufa, get the retribution you deserve."

"I know, this may take a long time, but one day, you will see...as long as you are alive."

Chen slow paused, then said: "Brother, do you know, in the latest investigation, they discovered the truth of Yi Beihai's murder... Even Yi Beihai was Duan Wen who seized the opportunity , a test product used to test the effect of the latest obedient water! He went to the casino at that time and drank a glass of wine. He didn't have the determination to kill Qin Lao. There was something in that glass of wine... That one The version of Obedient Water was a failure. Wei Rong confessed that Duan Wen's original order was to threaten Qin Ciyan when he went to seek revenge for his mother, forcing him to tell a secret of a research report, but Yi Beihai accidentally missed it. …”

Xie Qingcheng knew what secret report they wanted.

—The first emperor.

Yi Beihai originally had the idea of ​​killing the doctor, Duan Wen used him, and others could not see the mystery.

If it were changed to the past, the disclosure of this layer of truth would undoubtedly shock Xie Qingcheng, but now he just accepts this fact - he doesn't seem to be surprised by anything, no longer Rejoice in anything, and no longer generate any emotion for anything.

He is just a dead tree, and everything in it is empty.

"Brother, Duan Wen will stand in front of the court and be convicted one day. I hope... you can persevere to see that day."

"I know you must be very sad to lose He Yu, but...you still have Xie Xue, and your upcoming nephew, and you still..." He looked at him with eyes like rabbits After hesitating for a while, he gathered up his courage and continued, "—you and me. We all need you, and we can't live without you."

Xie Qingcheng finally said: "I understand what you mean."

Chen Slow: "...Brother..."

Xie Qingcheng said: "Chen slow, I may have never loved anyone in my life. Maybe I have never loved He Yu. Because people like me are not qualified to say Like it or not."

Chen slow: “…”

"But I said that no one can replace his position." Xie Qingcheng said, "It was like this before, and it will not change in the future. Life or death, that place It will always be his. Only him."

"Until the day I go too."

Chen Man burst into tears.

Xie Qingcheng got up and called the waiter to check out. Before leaving, he said something to Chen Man.

He said, "Chen Yan, I'm not worthy of your nostalgia. Go ahead, you will meet someone much better than me. And me." After a pause, " I have personally killed the person who loved me the most. In the future, these times are the price I should pay."

He left and returned to Moyu Lane alone.

On the way, Xie Qingcheng met a stall selling small noodles.

There are seven or eight kinds of noodle people with Coke bottles inserted in the stalls of the old craftsmen, including the most common Monkey King, Chang'e, Pleasant Goat, Doraemon... Xie Qingcheng watched That stall, it was like watching a fantasy dream.

"Sir, what do you want to buy?"

Waking up in a trance, it was the old craftsman talking to him.

Xie Qingcheng found that he had walked in front of the other party unconsciously: "…Can you pinch the dragon?"

"Yes." The old man smiled kindly, and the wrinkles were filled with the tenderness of the years, "Then what do you want to pinch?"

"Two dragons, one red and one silver. Put them together."

The old man thoughtfully: "Someone has mentioned this to me before..."

He controlled the trembling in his voice and said, "Really..."

"It's New Year's Eve..." The old man remembered and smiled, "He's a very handsome young man."

Xie Qingcheng's voice was a little choked for the first time, he said, "Please do as you did at the time, because..."

He sorted out his emotions before saying the second half of the sentence: "Because that pair of little dragons were given to me."

The old man was surprised and happy: "Then is it still there?"

Xie Qingcheng seemed to have bitter olives in his throat, he said softly: "...I lost it."

He finally thanked the old man solemnly, and put the little face man in the pocket of his windbreaker, the position closest to the heart - he took it home.

One day before leaving the country, Xie Qing submitted to complete the last thing in the country.

He went to the cemetery alone.

He Yu has no relatives in China, and no one will erect a monument for him, except Xie Qingcheng.

The monument has been placed. On this day, the undertaker is waiting for the customer to place the remains of the deceased.

But Xie Qingcheng has no bones of He Yu.

The relics found by the police are only broken limbs and flesh, and they will not be handed over to him. He is not anyone from He Yu. Not relatives, not friends... not lovers.

All he has is a pair of tiny mud dragons.

He put it in a nanmu box and put it gently into the tomb. The undertaker had seen all kinds of strange widowhood, so he did not ask any further questions, and cooperated with him to seal the tomb.

"Sir, this is the tool you want." After sealing the tomb, the undertaker handed the engraved knife to Xie Qingcheng.

There are no words on the tombstone, it is empty.

The guest who ordered the monument said from the beginning that they did not need them to carve anything, but asked them to bring the stone chisel to him.

Such a request is not an isolated case, and some people will want to engrave the name of the deceased on the tablet, as if it can enter the heart of a living person at this moment.

Xie Qingcheng took over the knife.

"Thank you."

The mortician bowed slightly and left, leaving the last time to this pair of people who were separated by life and death.

Xie Qingcheng slowly knelt down in front of the cold tombstone and stroked the blank piece of white jade with his fingers. He didn't cry, and his eyes that had lost their light seemed to be unable to shed any more tears.

He said, "Little devil."

"I'm leaving."

"I know you blame me. It's my fault...I've been cruel to you...I always hope that you can do well by yourself and walk out of the shadows alone, but I forgot that you need a bridge ...and I didn't give you that bridge."

"You hate me. You should hate me too."

The forehead was against the bone-cold monument.

Xie Qingcheng whispered softly, his voice scattered in the wind: "I'm sorry. You told me that you liked it so many times, but I never told you once, kid, in fact, I..."

He stopped.

What am I?

It seems that I am no longer qualified to speak.

Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes. After a long time, he swallowed the words that could not be spoken. Those invisible words seemed to cut his throat. He coughed, and there was a faint smell of blood in his lungs.

"...I won't live too long." He whispered, "In the last few years, after finishing the teacher's books, I should come to see you."

"I don't know if you still want to see me at that time."

Xie Qingcheng's fingers caressed the stone tablet, just like he once caressed He Yu's forehead.

"I'm sorry...for making you fall in love with someone like me..."

"In the end, I can't give you anything..."

"I made you sad..."

He sat up slowly and held the knife. He saw that the stone tablet was empty. For some reason, he suddenly remembered what He Yu looked like when He Yu secretly carried him for a tattoo when he was a child, and then was discovered.

At that time, He Yu shouted: "I didn't learn from you! I don't like you at all! I don't worship you at all!"

He was never worthy of He Yu's worship.

He Yu did better than him.

He is much better than all of them….

Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes, touched the stone tablet with his pale and long fingers, and chiseled the first stroke...

It was tough, with blood on the fingers.

He didn't care, just looked at the newly carved words.

Nothingofhimthatdothfade.

Butdothsufferasea-change.

Intosomethingrichandstrange.

The hand of Keats' epitaph was wrapped around Keats' epitaph, engraving Shelley's last words for He Yu that could not be left on his wrist during his lifetime, as if he had forgotten a bad fate and regret that had been planted since he was a boy.

He raised his hand and affixed the icy tablet.

"Little devil...let me hug you again..."

"For the last time."

I beg you, let me give you that hug you longed for, okay...He Yu...I'll give you a hug, okay?

It's cold.

But he pressed his forehead lightly and hugged him for a long time.

He was wondering, when He Yu was holding him in the past, it was like holding a piece of ice or stone that would never respond, kissing frost and snow.

It was so cold, and now it was finally his turn to experience it. He only held it for such a limited time, and his limbs felt numb and his chest was cold.

How did He Yu persist for so long? He persisted in the wait that never got a response, day after day, until the day he died...

Xie Qingcheng wanted to ask the boy why.

He wanted to catch up with He Yu in front of the Ferris wheel, catch up, and prevent him from disappearing. catch up -

Ask if it's worth it.

Ask, kid, how sad you were when you begged me again and again but couldn't get a response.

Ask why do you still stagger up and stumble, and then follow me forward, until the end of the blood is broken, and the lamp runs out.

Ask, He Yu... He Yu... Why are you so persistent and unwilling to stop?

Why...

To do this for people like me...

But the boy is no longer there, and the passionate blood of worship will never come back.

Yes, the monument is nameless, except for that poem, Xie Qingcheng left nothing.

Just like the relationship between them, life and death are entangled, but they are always nameless.

The tombstones are clean.

Like a pair of gentle and beautiful eyes when a teenager laughs.

Those eyes seemed to say, Xie Qingcheng, Dr. Xie... Brother Xie, give me a hug, okay?

I am very young, but I really love you, please believe me.

I didn’t lie to you…

The next day, Xie Qingcheng was leaving.

A lot of people came to see you off at the airport, Chen Man, Aunt Li, the dean, the Wei family...even Li Ruoqiu came, she had divorced her later husband and is now alone She opened a very romantic tavern. She saw the news on the TV in the tavern, and Xie Qing told them about them. She was just like the general public.

Li Ruoqiu was the last to say goodbye to Xie Qing.

She didn't say anything, just looked at his face and shed a line of tears. In such a short year, Xie Qingcheng lost the light of his left eye, his healthy arm, his spirit, and an irreplaceable person...

But he still had to live.

She looked at him and could hardly recognize him, he was still the same Xie Qingcheng, but he was too damaged.

She choked: "Brother Xie, I hope you will be well in the future..."

He looked at her and said, "You too. Hope you are well too."

Li Rouqiu: "What I did in the past was too childish, I hope you can forgive me."

"You just want a normal relationship, but I didn't give it to you." Xie Qingcheng said, "I did something bad. I hope you can forgive me."

Li Rouqiu looked at him with tears in her eyes. She felt that the way he said this made her sad. In fact, his life was almost dead, and the effect of going to the United States for treatment was unknown. To achieve the ideal result, he was the last thing he said to her with the idea that he might not see each other again in the future.

Finished notes...

And the little fire dragon that He Yu had given him, he re-attached it and put it in his trench coat pocket.

At the moment when the plane rushed into the sky, he closed his eyes, raised his hand and touched the position of his heart, touching the lifeless little dragon.

He opened his eyes and looked out the window, the clouds were rushing past the cabin, like a river flowing into the sea—everything in his past, all his obsessions...

In the end, it all went with the wind.