The next day, I woke up as usual, and I did n’t enter a nightmare again this night. I slept deeply, and when I woke up, nothing strange happened. ∷ 四 ∷ 五 ∷ 中 ∷ 文 ↖, the female patient is lying on the other side of me, staring at me with her eyes open, she seems to have already woken up. I helped organize her clothes, wash them clean, and feed her breakfast. I do n’t know her, I do n’t think there is anything special about her, and I have no obligation to help her do anything. She is just a normal patient who has nothing to do with me. natural.

It was still raining outside the window. The cloudy day continued from yesterday to the present, and it seems to last longer. Even more, the rain is greater than yesterday. I would n’t know if it would happen under natural conditions, but it ’s a bit mysterious even though it looks like a natural phenomenon around the peninsula. As the crew said, rain will continue in this area, and there will be many strange things on the peninsula. These strange things are not just artificial mysterious events.

Psychiatric hospitals and peninsulas are normal for the surrounding urban residents on weekdays, but at some point, they will become weird and terrifying. There are dark legends here, some are fabricated, some are far-fetched, but many are indeed true. For anyone who wants to live in a peninsula mental hospital during this rainy season, these weird and terrifying rumors will not be affected by "unscientific". On the contrary, human consciousness is quite easily affected by environmental atmosphere. In mystics, there are many examples of creating an environmental atmosphere to deepen the interference of ideological forces.

I think if people here will have hallucinations and nightmares, then. Whether it is due to drugs or other influences, the content of these hallucinations and nightmares will definitely resonate deeply with the gloomy atmosphere of this place. I hope to find more information to understand all the rumors about this peninsula and mental hospital in history.

I picked up my cell phone, and if it didn't ring suddenly, I almost forgot it. I feel incredible. But when you think about it, you should not be surprised. I often subconsciously forget and ignore certain things, but this does not mean that these things are not important. Instead, I feel that I am not such a forgetful person. If I forget and ignore these things, then it must mean, These things are actually very important. That's why for some reason, its presence becomes thin in my consciousness.

Isn't this all the proof that there is some kind of power in the world, playing with all the proofs in the world?

I do n’t know if I have a certain religious belief. I think that in fact, my attitude towards “mystery” does not actually have the foundation to firmly believe in its existence, because I recognize the existence of “mystery”. Still trying to explain it from other angles, under different circumstances. To use it in different meanings-this means that I only know it for convenience and to give myself an unreasonable but acceptable answer.

What is "mystery" is not only superficial meaning, maybe in my heart. It doesn't matter at all. It is a tool that can be interpreted as a meaning when it is needed, but it can be subjectively corrected when it is not needed.

Until now. What I absolutely believe is only the existence of "jiang" and "virus".

Now that I have experienced so many weird and weird events, I have realized the complex and changeable world, and the boundary between reality and illusion is so blurred, I can only think that everything I have observed is based on "jiang" and " Virus ". Conversely, as long as I can relate what I have observed to "Jiang" and "Virus", no matter whether it is true or unreal in the eyes of others, it is a real one for me side.

My collapsed and subverted worldview has thus been consolidated. Others have read my notes, and may suspect that this is just a mental patient's conjecture, or some kind of "brain in a tank" type of story. But for me personally, as long as there are "Jiang" and "Virus", then it is not just a speculation, illusion, nightmare or story.

No matter what other people say or think, I can answer with absolute certainty that all of this "has happened" and continues to develop. If anyone doubts, then I will not argue, because, it is only because of doubt It is impossible for the observer to observe, so it has the illusion that it does not exist and that it is "mere fantasy".

My mood is not as magnificent as it used to be. During the long period of recovery, with the growth of intuition, memory and cognition, I no longer have too much sense of the world I exist in, the world I can observe, and my life, emotion and mission. Many doubts. I can calmly look at things that make people crazy and do things that seem ridiculous or boring to others.

Before the patients left the cafeteria, I returned the female patient to the room, and then entered the room where the patient was locked. Not all patients will leave their rooms, and I do n’t know how long they will leave the room once. They will be placed in a normal mental hospital. , Trapped in his own room. However, this peninsula mental hospital is not normal. I am not sure if someone will come here to help them.

The information I got was that the seminar deliberately allowed seven patients to live in seven different environments, and then paired with other ordinary patients with no special status. Of course, everyone has taken new drugs. This approach is like making the routine patient the most special in his living area and can be regarded as the "head". They expect that they can observe some important situations or collect some important data in such an environment.

In fact, I personally don't understand what they want and whether it really makes sense and has effect. But it is clear that my influence on the seminar is no greater than that of the seminar on our patients.

But because I have already become the most special one here on the surface, I feel that I have some responsibility for the patients here. This is a very obscure sense of responsibility. I do n’t hope that there will be patients who are let go. Without being able to take care of himself, he died so plainly. Specifically, I already have a hunch that the patients cannot all survive, and the ongoing experiment in the seminar must be very harmful to the patients. However, I hope that as many people as possible can survive in my sick building.

Yes, I ca n’t save the world, but at least I hope that I can save the people I love ... And then expand this range a little bit, I hope that when I stand on a certain place, I can protect this place. people.

and so. Even if it is just a group of mental patients who are listed as experimental subjects, even if I know that there are not many things I can do, but I do n’t want to be completely cold-eyed for such reasons. Just like treating the female patient, even just taking care of her daily life can calm me down.

While helping her, I also felt that I was helping myself.

From this female patient as a starting point, I also hope. I can help more patients.

I searched their rooms and counted their number. Determine their daily activities and mental state. I do n’t know if I ’m hiding the camera, monitoring the behavior of everyone in this sickhouse, including me, but even with such surveillance, I realize that I do n’t really care. I can assume that the monitor will not really let the patient ignore. Let it be left to itself, but I am also not sure that they will not do it. So, I started from the worst possible. Try to understand and integrate each patient in the building, and try to keep them in a good rest.

When Dr. Ruan Li called, I was sorting out the information of the preliminary investigation. I drew the structure of the hospital, as well as the map of the interior of the psychiatric hospital that I have explored, and the overall situation of the peninsula, and wrote all the intelligence points I know on the paper. After that, nail one to the wall in a certain order. These tools, such as paper pens and push pins, were collected in other patients' rooms. At first, I thought that the living environment of all patients in the sickhouse is the same as mine, but in fact, the difference is still great. Some patients even have large living appliances such as televisions and washing machines in their rooms, which are also powered. However, after some searching, I finally confirmed that the consciousness of the patients here is extremely low, and their response is slow, as if the wisdom of the modern people has disappeared from theirs, and the rest is just a mechanized and The numbness of activity.

Sometimes, I even think that their consciousness is not in their own bodies, and their physical activities are actually just an instinct and inertia

, Like sleepwalking. Many people feel discouraged when facing such patients, and feel that their actions are meaningless. Because no matter how you do it, you will not get good feedback from the other party, and even malicious will not exist.

However, for me, how they react does not hinder what I want to do. I know very well that what I have done is not just for them, but also for myself. Therefore, if they feel that this is good and grateful, it is naturally best, and even if they do not have any consciousness, they just passively accept it , I will not have any disgust and disgust.

I don't expect to get a return from them. Because, when I do things according to my own heart, I have been calm.

The female patient just sat on the bed, didn't know what she was thinking, and stared blankly at the ceiling. While reviewing the information on the wall, I analyzed and sorted it in my mind while answering the phone.

"Really? I had such a nightmare." Dr. Ruan Li listened to my description of the nightmare and fell into a moment of silence. She seemed to be thinking why this nightmare would look like this. For me, this nightmare is full of doubts, and I do n’t believe that Dr. Ruan Li can really use her knowledge to explain everything I doubt.

"Is this a success or a failure?" I asked. Because the new medicine is actually developed in response to the influence of white Claudia on human consciousness, Dr. Ruan Li and others expect that they can self-regulate and assist in mental adjustment by actively falling into hallucinations. The seminar belongs to psychology, and they will only look at the end of the process through human consciousness. In fact, this starting point is very similar to the "Human Completion Plan" led by Dr. Ander in the reality of the hospital-through a more direct, spiritual shaping and deepening to affect the materialized. In this process, The transformation of the spirit is more active, while the physical changes. It is more natural to adapt to spiritual changes. In the "Human Completion Plan", first of all, there will be a spiritual "perfect person", then this "perfect person" body will gradually fit into his spirit, and eventually become a real "perfect person".

What the seminar is doing is also from a spiritual perspective. Through the influence of drugs on the patient's spirit, the white Claudia's influence on the human spirit is resisted, and even this effect is directed to the "beneficial" side. The most obvious difference from the "Human Completion Plan" is only that the seminar focused on the "mental effects of drugs" and did not involve any experiments related to the patient's body.

There is no doubt that this kind of research direction, although to a large extent. It ’s not that I did n’t realize the importance of “body”, but only because limited resources must be focused on a certain aspect in a short period of time to achieve a staged result, but it is what Dr. Ruan Li hopes most. There are conflicting research directions. She came here to participate in the research, for my specific patient's condition. And in my observation, her research direction. In fact, I tend to interfere with my mental state through the influence of the application of drugs.

Although the means is to create a drug that causes hallucinations, from the initial point of view, it is indeed through the influence of the spirit, but. It is different in degree. Probably because of the interference of the mysterious organization, the practice of the seminar is a little bit biased, and the spirit of study alone is among the signs I can perceive. There is some tendency to mystery, but this is indeed a practice not approved by Dr. Ruan Li.

If it is Dr. Ruan Li, he should try to understand as much as possible the effect of the new drug on the patient's body, without giving priority to mental changes. The changes in spirit are only some kind of indexed and guiding changes. Although data on changes in mental state are being collected, these data are collected only to confirm the changes.

In Dr. Ruan Li ’s theory, changes in mental state data are an aid to the study of physical state data, and should not be used as the subject in the entire study. Just because of doing psychological research, because the object is a mental patient, the psychology and spirit of the patient are regarded as the subject, in fact, they have already embarked on a branch. She believes that basically, all the morbidity of mental patients can be attributed to the morbidity, as long as the morbid treatment can be completed, the psychology can be better cured. Of course, there are many cases that have proved that even people with normal health can have very serious mental illness and psychological shadows. However, Dr. Ruan Li believes that she has obtained the current status in the academic world because she has been Focusing on and adhering to my own path, I never doubted my treatment and research theory because of these cases-she is like this, educating me with her own examples and asking me to have my own views and persistence.

Therefore, regarding my nightmare, Dr. Ruan Li's view must be different from that of most people in the seminar. I do n’t know if there are other patients taking new drugs who have also told her about nightmares, but in theory, all seven patients who have been diagnosed will be asked to speak. On the other hand, Mitsui Tsukazu and others who participated in this seminar also need to talk to the patients who have been diagnosed in order to obtain enough data to complete their thesis and participate in the final assessment.

Therefore, I think that all people who come in contact with patients on routine consultation will be more or less informed of the nightmare situation. But I also think that, like Dr. Ruan Li, there are not many experts who can get a complete and detailed description from patients.

I always think that my own nightmare, in the eyes of Dr. Ruan Li, can be used to judge whether the effect of the new drug meets my expectations. It is a symbol that is only suggestive but not practical. Everything in the nightmare is "false", but it is a distorted expression of "true".

The question of whether the new drug is "success" or "failure" is actually only for Dr. Ruan Li. Perhaps, for the seminar, this nightmare is a success, and represents a certain stage of success. However, when talking about the nightmare, the performance of Dr. Ruan Li made me think that she believed that the new drug was a failure and had a negative effect on the patient.

"Failed." Sure enough, Dr. Ruan Li said to me: "In my opinion, the effect of the new drug may make you dream, but it should not be such a dream. I compared the blood sampling and found that this drug is harmful to the human body. The negative impact has exceeded the predetermined standard. However, the seminar believes that this is a memorable progress. Compared with the progress, although the negative impact is beyond the standard, it is permissible. "She was very cautious and worried. Tell me: "They lowered the standard again."

After a pause, she asked me, "What do you think will be the psychological performance of this approach at this time?"

"The lower limit?" I said hesitantly.

Dr. Ruan Li sneered and said, "They are confused ... No, it should be said that they have been influenced by White Claudia. After all, they have been dealing with that thing for so long, not everyone can insist Live. Now that their hearts have begun to deteriorate, they will gradually become less pure, and scientific research without rationality and bottom line will only cause disasters and will not achieve positive results. "

"What about you?" I was worried.

"Do n’t worry, although I think their research has gone awry, my research continues, initially because they allowed me to use the equipment, resources, and results here, so I worked with them. No matter how they become , Will not affect my pace, progress and direction ... In short, although Achuan you are a routine patient, the routine patient is first attached to the expert, not the seminar. So, I have the right not to let You use their new drugs. "Dr. Ruan Li said:" From now on, the drugs I make will be marked. Do you know how to identify them? "

I nodded.

"Take only marked medicines," Dr. Ruan Li asked.

"Isn't there any nightmare in this way?" I have to confirm again. To be honest, I don't want to completely get rid of the deep nightmare that is full of meaning and incoordination. For ordinary patients, if they don't Re-entering that nightmare probably means that you are free from the influence of the deepest night and the terrible fate of sacrifice. It is undoubtedly safer. But I am not just a patient. First of all, I am a mysterious expert. I must be involved in that nightmare.

"Unclear, probably not." Dr. Ruan Li shook his head and replied: "The best effect is, of course, that you no longer have this nightmare. However, my research uses part of the results of the seminar, which means that medicine On the one hand, the effect is the same, even if the negative effects are indeed reduced, reaching above the predetermined standard value, but it is impossible to completely exclude the negative effects. So, you probably still have that nightmare, but after taking my medicine, you should The same dream can become less terrifying-the specific changes ~ lightnovelpub.net ~ I do n’t know. "

In fact, although it is a "nightmare", I did not feel any fear when I was in it.

"Mom, are the patients taking new drugs currently mad and dead?" I remembered the weirdness of my beheading and contacted the illusion not long ago, I couldn't help asking.

"Crazy? What do you mean?" Dr. Ruan Li was a little puzzled, but still told me with certainty: "Dare not say in the future, but now, there is no patient taking medicine for the time being. As usual, hallucinations and speculations arise- Is n’t it normal? "

Indeed, it is normal for mental patients to go crazy, especially after taking new drugs that will definitely have side effects. However, the patients in my sick building are also patients taking new drugs, but they are all dead and lack of vitality.

"Accurately, the odds and frequency of manic mental patients have not increased significantly after taking the medicine." Dr. Ruan Li shook his head and said, "On the contrary, the vitality of the patient is similar to yours. sign."

Dr. Ruan Li's answer gave me some doubts about the strange source of the nightmare. (To be continued ...)