Dr. Ruan Li ’s answer made me have some doubts about the strange source of the nightmare-are they really all changed from the sickness of the Peninsula patient? Although Dr. Ruan Li said that it is normal for patients to develop hallucinations and speculations, such symptoms are not a common feature of every mental patient. The patients did not die, but lacked vitality, really just because they were all having nightmares? The new drug is a semi-finished product in the research and development process of Paradise On the surface, the behavior seems normal, but the source of the behavior, which comes from the spiritual level, is some kind of abnormality. The new drugs have similar effects in theory.

All mental patients taking new medicines seem to lack vitality, but they are numb, instinctive, and mechanical to maintain the most basic daily survival needs, just like the patients I saw in the sick building, but their spirit is in a nightmare. Very active. Simply put, they are all "sleepwalking", and they have not awakened from the nightmare on the spiritual level-such a possibility does exist.

However, I subconsciously felt that there was something inconsistent in this inference. What I am most concerned about is that the number of patients taking new drugs is actually not much, and the strangeness in the nightmare is several times the number of patients. Excluding the crazy people in the residential areas I have seen, those strange manifestations and presentations It is too diverse to meet my observations of all patients currently in contact with the Peninsula Mental Hospital.

Can the morbidity and imagination of only a dozen or dozens of patients constitute such a crazy, weird and deep nightmare scene?

I don't think it is impossible.

Rather than saying that patients taking new drugs constituted this nightmare, I would rather believe it. The patients taking the new medicine only constitute a part of the nightmare, or, what they constitute is only an entrance to the nightmare and an introduction to the nightmare event. Or a shelter that is slightly more normal than the entire nightmare. As a matter of fact, this nightmare has already existed for a long time, and only people with mental illness who take new medicines have been observed.

If the nightmare of this deep night already exists. Well, of course, the basis of this nightmare may of course not be limited to this peninsula mental hospital. Just because of the cognition of the patients taking the new medicine, the nightmare part was turned into an environment similar to the peninsula. Therefore, it is possible to explain the plausible scenes currently encountered in nightmares. The environment is full of sight, and even seems to be closely related to the patients in the Peninsula Mental Hospital, but it is limited to the patients but feels uncoordinated.

In this way, the existence of the old Hawk and the humanoid "system" is even more questionable. The things represented by both, including the concept of "the deepest night" that has always existed in nightmares, may not have been created by mysterious organizations. The mysterious organization that is using this nightmare is also not the creator of the nightmare, but a group of intruders. just. They discovered and discovered various strange and mysterious phenomena in the nightmare, and then cooperated with their own mystery to form the current ongoing plan.

The "seal" that Old Hawk left on me, of course, may not be a masterpiece of a mysterious organization, but only a congenital limitation that exists in nightmares, and this limitation is for all "outsiders". Effective. However, I still believe that whether this restriction is a masterpiece of a mysterious organization or not, its existence is beneficial to the power of organization and has a great effect of restraining individual power. Then meet the needs of mysterious organizations.

If "The Deepest Night" was not created by the mysterious organization, but only the mysterious organization intends to use the deepest night to complete a tacit promotion ceremony, then, what is the original intention of "the deepest night"? What does it reflect more realistically?

These questions were pressed by me. A lot of information is missing. Undoubtedly, the mysterious organization that entered the nightmare earlier must have found more things and took them as its own, without leaving too many clues to the latecomers. The situation in the tower is about the same. The mysterious organization in the previous step has layered through what they can find, and anything they think is useful, and then left traps and caregivers on each layer. I may not be able to get more information from the tower. If I want to know more, I must find these mysterious organizations in a nightmare.

Despite this conjecture, the actual result must be climbed to the top of the tower step by step to prove it. If I am lucky enough, or unfortunate, then it is possible to find something that the mysterious organization ignores and is limited to itself and cannot be observed. It may be very evil and very critical, but it may also be just something boring.

"How many people have taken the new medicine?" I asked.

"No more than fifty on the bright side." Dr. Ruan Li said: "However, the seminar has the right to increase the number of people at any time."

"I met Marceau, and her situation seemed a bit wrong," I said.

"Her mental state has always been terrible." Dr. Ruan Li said without any surprise, "The effect of the new drug on her is obvious, but in addition to the stability effect, in my opinion, it is a side effect ..." She After a pause, he said, "This is just my opinion." I know what Dr. Ruan Li said, the seminar may instead consider the current situation of Masuo as a benign reaction, or, although there are many adverse reactions , But relative to what she showed, what they considered "benign", those side effects are worth it.

To make matters worse, Dr. Ruan Li only has the right to supervise me, but no other patients. As long as Marceau ’s nominal guardian permits, she will need to take the new medicine for the seminar further. This new drug is unqualified in the eyes of Dr. Ruan Li.

"What about routine patients other than Marceau and me?" I couldn't help asking.

"There were two obvious rejection reactions last night." Dr. Ruan Li said: "Moreover, the mental state suddenly deteriorated severely. I think that the changes in those two people can sound the alarm for the seminar, because They were unable to implement the bottom line that was originally determined, which led to such a bad result. I have contacted some people. I intend to reiterate the minimum standard of drug side effects. I have a hunch that if they continue to lower this standard, even if they finally research a paradise, Definitely not the paradise everyone first wanted. "

"How confident?" I asked rhetorically.

"It's a pity." Dr. Ruan Li's calm face showed a trace of fatigue. Obviously. She did not have enough confidence to reverse the practice of the seminar today. For the stubbornness of the seminar, she regarded it as the result of being influenced by white Claudia. White Claudia is using the hands of the seminar to make mankind fall into the abyss, but unfortunately, the parties did not notice it. Even facing the warning will only be subconsciously rejected and ignored by the other party.

"For today's plan, we can only try if we can complete the originally envisioned paradise by ourselves before the variant paradise is studied." Dr. Ruan Li said: "Fortunately, not all of the seminars are Participants are affected. "

"I'm worried about you. Mom." I couldn't help but say: "If those people are really affected and break through the lower limit, it is likely to hurt you."

"I know that I have begun to prepare. Now, I need your help, Achuan." Dr. Ruan Li said cautiously: "The communication channel between you and me is specially encrypted, but it is still not enough insurance. The specific situation, I I will inform you through other methods. You must be ready to leave this peninsula at any time. Now, I will give you a map of the entire peninsula and mental hospital. Although the diary you write is full of fantasy, but you are in these hallucinations The gains are not just false experiences. I can trust you in some of the most basic self-protection capabilities, Achuan. "

"Of course, Mom." I nodded vigorously.

"Then, as it was this time, it is also a risky test." Dr. Ruan Li said: "But you have to remember. A Chuan. In the story you wrote, you are the protagonist, so you have nothing No. But this time, the situation you are facing is absolutely true. And you will not be omnipotent. Assuming that you fail, you must bear the most real punishment. You should not treat the current situation as your fantasy. Of those stories. "

"I know." I have always been serious, whether it was the illusion in Dr. Ruan Li's eyes or the reality for Dr. Ruan Li at the moment. I did n’t think that crises came from "nightmares" and "illusions" just because they were not really hurting me. On the contrary, for mystery experts, nightmares and hallucinations, as long as "mystery" exists, any weirdness is dangerous, not an imaginary danger, but a danger that you will experience firsthand.

In the past long ago, dying in "nightmares" and "illusions", and dying in "reality", in the eyes of mysterious experts, can already be marked with an equal sign.

So, whether it is an illusion or a nightmare, I have always tried my best.

Dr. Ruan Li ’s concerns are superfluous. I will neither regard "nightmare" as a joke, nor will I regard this world of repeaters as "unreal".

After the communication, Dr. Ruan Li transmitted the map of the entire peninsula and psychiatric hospital to my mobile phone as scheduled. I will compare it with the data on the wall and sort it out again, adding more accurate geographical factors. Dr. Ruan Li ’s worries are not untargeted. From my perspective, the crisis she feels is actually a fate-like inevitable crisis. However, it is precisely because these bad conditions have been taken into account in advance, so in my mind, I have a whole set of self-protection plan to ensure that after failure, I can also take Dr. Ruan Li and Marceau to retire.

Everything done today, in addition to trying to prevent the situation here from going in the worst direction, is also to further improve the self-protection plan in detail.

After noon, the experts who participated in the seminar took the vehicle downstairs. Not all experts, listening to Dr. Ruan Li said that they can choose the patients to be observed, which can be one of them, or more, and generally have considerable autonomy. Those who came to me this time, of course, are all experts who intend to obtain my medical information. They brought me new medicines, medical examinations and talks. Although their research focus is on me, they also need to conduct an examination for the patients in the entire ward.

There are only five experts, two men and three women, of whom only Mitsui Tsukazu knows. However, all of them greeted me in a way that I was very familiar with, probably in the three days I had lost, I had already had full contact with me.

I approached them with great caution. And from Mitsui Tsukazu learned the situation of the fortune teller and fitness coach. They have read the report written by Dr. Ruan Li and think that my condition is too complicated, so they chose other people who have theoretically more effective treatment. After all, for these experts. My observation of the patient is not the result, and the final writing of a well-founded and tried-and-tested paper is the ultimate goal of this event.

"So, why did you choose me?" I asked, while writing the answer on a psychological questionnaire. The five experts who decided to come to my side not only have a common inspection process. It also has its own test project. I need to complete five questionnaires with different topics and accept quite personalized inquiries from five experts. Some of the topics and questions are not within the scope of psychology textbooks, but what they have learned in their learning can allow themselves to spend the shortest time. Understand the problem of patient changes. The focus of these questions is of course different. When talking to me, the tone, speed, words, questions and answers, as well as some detailed body movements, were also different.

Of course, they also brought along enough new medicine for all patients in the building.

They asked me to answer all the questions they asked, although sometimes, "silence" is also an answer. But in their question design, it seems that the option of "silence" was not considered. For my questions, they will answer selectively, and I can hear their heartfelt thoughts.

Although they have packaged their behavior of coming to me to collect data in some better language, but I also have a certain psychology attainment, and also know how to intensify their emotions and dig themselves through conversation during conversation The information you want. Although it is also called "expert", but. Not every expert can completely arm himself with his theoretical knowledge, nor does everyone have their own psychological construction and mental defense, which can reach the level of Dr. Ruan Li.

In mutual vocabulary tests, these experts clearly showed resistance and vigilance. They stared at me with strange eyes. Obviously, I noticed my small movements. I intuitively believe that among the five "experts", Mitsui Tsukazu's level is already at the forefront. My familiarity with him is actually a breakthrough that the other party is trying to use.

"There is no need to be like a hedgehog, Takakawa." Mitsui Tsukazu opened his hands and said helplessly, "We want to help you. If you cooperate, we can make an accurate report, these reports, Will decide which medicine you should take. "

But the problem is that I trust Dr. Ruan Li more than the seminar.

"You came here for treatment. I heard from Dr. Ruan Li that you really want to return to normal life, but if you don't cooperate and make a diagnosis at the end, it may worsen your condition." The expert said carefully: "I heard from Dr. Ruan Li that you understand some psychological knowledge and related diagnostic therapies, then you should also understand that the most important relationship between patients and doctors is trust. I hope You can trust us. "

"How do you know that I don't trust you? I accept all your inquiries and write all the questionnaires." I answered in this way.

"The question is whether your answer comes from your heart," another expert said.

"How do you know that my answer is not sincere?" I asked.

"This kind of sophistry is very boring." The expert rubbed his temples and looked very annoyed. "If you must need evidence ..."

"Your answers are too normal." Another expert bluntly said: "That's the standard answer for normal people, but obviously, if you are normal people, you don't need to sit here, do you? ? I heard that you have always admitted that you are a mental patient, and Dr. Ruan Li's report also confirms this, your mental state is very abnormal. "

"From the normal answer, find the abnormal doubt. This is your job, not mine." I said indifferently: "I think you should redesign the questionnaire and questions. You think my answer is too much Standard, why not because the question you raised is too standard? "

The five experts looked at each other, looking discouraged.

"Well, if you insist." The experts stood up and said to me: "I will be here today. We will come over tomorrow, I believe, you will speak. Please remember to take medicine if you feel uncomfortable. , Please let us know tomorrow. Some of these drugs are specially made based on the results of your examination, but because of your lack of cooperation, it may cause greater side effects. "

"Are you threatening me?" I asked.

"No, I just hope—" He increased his tone and said, "I hope you can cooperate with us. We are not here to poison you, but to cure your disease."

"Cure? Do you think you are better than my mother?" I said quietly.

The expert was silent, and after a while said: "Maybe I will have more luck than her. To be honest, I saw a part of your medical report with Dr. Ruan Li. I knew what your medical condition was before I chose you."

"So, did anyone tell you. The doctor should not speak to the patient with such a grudge?" I smiled and replied: "You chose me, which means you need me, not I need you. This It ’s not directly related to me being a patient, and you being a doctor. The patient needs the doctor ’s help and it ’s not always correct. ”

What the expert wanted to say, but he seemed to gradually understand what I meant, and he could not help but widen his eyes. Immediately afterwards, other experts, including Mitsui Tsukazu, also seemed to understand what they were looking at.

Yes, although I admit that I am a mental patient, I never feel that I need a psychologist. I need to adjust my thinking and observation according to the psychologist's statement. I may be abnormal, but I have been unable to escape, or rather, do not want to escape from this anomaly. In the face of all kinds of anomalies, I have my own thoughts, my own response, and all this constitutes myself at this moment. I have always recognized myself at this moment, standing here in this form.

Yes, the most critical thing is whether to recognize yourself.

I can say with certainty that I have been painful, sad, dead, lived, thinking foolishly, struggling, trying hard but not getting the desired results, and never seeing it, a clear Future, but I never deny my existence and deeply recognize everything I have done.

This is Gao Chuan. What I did, what I thought and what I thought, proved that I am Gao Chuan. I recognize such Gao Chuan, such a self.

Therefore, even in the face of the deepest fear, darkness and despair, it is impossible to distinguish between where is illusion and where is true, I have always only felt pain and sorrow ~ lightnovelpub.net ~ and never lost hope.

I am a mental patient, the world I see is different from ordinary people, but I do n’t need a psychiatrist, because, no matter where I am, what I have seen and what I have experienced, I have always worked hard and never gave up . I don't need the world in the eyes of others, because, I have never seen the beautiful world in the eyes of others. They said they were normal, but this normality also included their own pain and struggle. So, how are they different from me who is sick?

Yes, just like the experts in front of them, they work very hard and want to treat me and correct me. I recognize this effort, no matter how this kind of action is originated from the original intention of personalization. However, assuming that I was "cured" by them and became what they recognized, everything I expected could not be obtained from the world they recognized. Isn't it also a failure for me?

I know what I want, and I use this to filter the way. In their "normal", there is no salvation. Therefore, I refuse.

I watched the experts leave by car and turned my gaze back to the medicine box. Now, I am going to take medicine, and I know that these medicines can never save me. (To be continued. If you like this work, you are welcome to come to the starting point () to vote for recommendation and monthly tickets. Your support is my biggest motivation. Please read it for mobile users.)