This is not the first time Yan Suizhi has taken the initiative to get close.

He had obviously taken the initiative to do more intimate movements before, and it tickled people every time, but not once was this--

Nothing was said, but inexplicably sad.

Gu Yan froze for a moment and whispered, "I didn't want you to see those."

"It's nothing." Yan Suizhi's voice touched his shoulder socket, a little stuffy, but still with a common light smile: "It's okay, it's just a case, it's not a big deal. I just look at you, and I suddenly think Play a rogue. "

Gu Yan tightened his arms. His arms are not the same as his usual personality. The warm body temperature unreasonably wraps people in and breathes into the nose a little bit.

Yan Suizhi rinsed his fingers for a long time in the water and regained his warmth, filling the heart from the fingertips to the palm and then following the blood vessels into the heart.

The last time I felt this way was in the attic, Gu Yan said to him in a low voice, after the explosion, I always dreamed that he was still alive.

Last time, Gu Yan leaned against the door and looked up at him on the stairs. Shen Sheng said good night.

Going forward, in the kitchen on the ground floor of the villa, Gu Yan looked down at him, leaning his head to the corner of his mouth.

Then there was a long gap, how many years he had grown, he could hardly remember ...

This feeling of fullness and sourness in the chest always makes people have the urge to say something.

Yan Sui's chin pressed against Gu Yan's shoulder, his eyes hidden in the shadow of his eyelashes, and fell on a certain point in the void. After being quiet for a while, he suddenly whispered: "Gu Yan ..."

"Ok?"

"Why did you choose me to be a direct teacher?"

"Because of the lectures you have heard before." Gu Yan paused and said again: "And ... I saw you at Herlans a long time ago."

"How early?" Yan Suizhi's tone was slightly surprised.

"At the age of **, in an orphanage." Gu Yan said.

At that time, every weekend, his grandfather would take him to the orphanage. Most of the children there were similar to him. Their parents were soldiers and died in a battle. The difference is that he has a grandfather, they don't.

He didn't know what the grandfather's original intention to take him to the orphanage regularly. Maybe he wanted him to never forget the suffering, maybe he wanted to be infected and be a kind person. My grandfather was not a person who was enthusiastic about words and talks, and never told him.

However, the character he formed later was indeed inseparable from this experience.

The time he met Yan Suizhi was a winter afternoon, when the sun was surprisingly good and a large bright light was dropped on the lawn of the orphanage. This is more comfortable than any artificial temperature control, so many children play on the lawn, swings and amusement equipment, basking in the sun.

The grandfather brought the donated materials to the person in charge and left him on the lawn.

"Why don't you go with you?" Yan Sui asked.

Gu Yan said quietly, "Who knows, maybe expect him to come back and see me playing with other people and rolling into a ball."

Yan Suizhi laughed, still a little lazy, "Are you as he wished?"

"No, I found a corner bench and sat waiting for him."

The bench is facing the lively lawn, and when you turn around, you can see the office building where the dean is located. Good location.

After staying on the bench for a while, he saw a figure coming out of the office building.

He turned his head to look over, but found that it was not a grandfather, but a young man.

Very young, maybe just over twenty.

The other party is very dressy and looks tall and slender. When coming off the steps, the coat swing is slightly lifted by the breeze.

When the man came out of the building, he did not leave immediately, but stood beside the lawn for a while, watching the noisy children.

The sunlight fell on his face, and his skin was very white. His eyes were like a layer of clear glass, reflecting the light.

He is very gentle, but not very happy.

This was the conclusion that Gu Yan looked at him at that time.

After a while, the young man noticed Gu Yan sitting alone. He walked over without any hassle, and bent over slightly and asked him, "Why are you staying alone?

He thought that Gu Yan was also a member of the orphanage, and I wondered why he could not participate in the fun of everyone.

"I wait for others." Gu Yan at that time replied.

"Who are you waiting for?"

"Maternal grandfather."

The young man nodded, only to realize that he had made a mistake.

During the talk, the aunt on the lawn who was looking after the children noticed the young man and came over to say hello to him.

"Then wait, I'm gone." The young man lazily waved at Yan Yan and walked away to talk to the aunt.

When talking to others, young people will smile and appear more gentle.

"I heard a few words sporadically, knowing that you are going to donate money, not the first time." Gu Yan paused for a moment, and then said, "But I only met you once."

Yan Suizhi didn't speak for a while, and after a while, he gently "ah" and said, "A little impression. But then I haven't met me again. It's normal for me to go on weekends because I always meet a lot on weekends People. That time it was only because of temporary changes in the arrangements of the diving club that they would go to Herlan Star on the weekend. "

Hearing the diving club, Gu Yan remembered what he once said, "Did you often dive back then?"

Yan Suizhi gave a "huh" sound. Somehow, when it comes to this topic, he is quieter again. Gu Yan was keenly aware that his emotions had fallen again. After a while, he whispered in memory, "It wasn't that time, I started to dive very early, about 15 years old, I was very addicted, I thought This sport is really amazing. "

"15 years old?" Gu Yan asked.

Intuition tells him that Yan Suizhi is trying a little bit, to give him the things in his heart.

"Well. My parents just passed away ..." Yan Suizhi's voice was very weak, as if he was talking about something mundane, or for too many years in the past, he hadn't felt so deeply, "I followed Have you said that my mother has the disease that Herlan Stars often have, and the genetic problems are also inherited to me. But I am not as serious as her. She was in a bad state that year ... you may know, The life expectancy of that disease was almost the same time. The hospital issued many notices to let my father choose between genetic surgery and accompany her. The result is obvious, my father made a gene source. "

At that time, genetic surgery, especially in this direction of treatment, required a healthy source of genes. In order to avoid more accidents, most people choose people close to them.

"In the end, I actually included me on the operating table," Yan Suizhi said. "The kind of surgery is very risky, including people who provide gene sources."

He looked at the eyes outside the window and blinked lightly, saying: "I was lucky, they didn't."

People are always unwilling to believe what they don't want to accept, and always wonder if there is something behind it. Although 15-year-old Yan Suizhi is well protected, there will still be some conspiracy theories.

"My parents didn't close their eyes on the operating table ... it dragged on for a few days." Yan Suizhi said, "I suspected that there was a problem with the operation at that time, I suspected that the doctor was not well-intentioned, I suspected that the nurse was careless, and suspected that all the participants Those who have surgery. But my parents are very repelled by the idea. In the last few days, they have been emphasizing that the risk of surgery is inevitable, and they do n’t want me to be horny. "

That constituted almost all the last words of his parents, and he hoped that he would not spend his life on this matter, not stand still, and not be dragged into the muddy water, so do not be suspicious. I hope he can still treat others fairly, accept others well, and live a long, occasionally pleasant life with ordinary surprises.

This is the same as that birthday blessing, which has almost become a magic barrier for Yan Sui in the next ten years.

"The last words cannot be ignored, after all, they left it to me in the end." Yan Suizhi said, "So that year I found myself a lot of things to do, so as not to be idle, because once I am idle, I will There will be a lot of ideas, some not so good, dark ideas, contrary to their hopes. "

Thinking about it now, he couldn't even remember what he was busy that year, because no matter what he did, his heart seemed to be an empty wilderness without echo. His heart jumped up and could not reach the top, and it fell without sound.

Sometimes he would stop for no reason when walking the road, staring at a spot on the side of the road, not knowing where he was going, or where he would turn back.

He has a lot of money and has a long splurge time, but he has no home.

"At that time, the only thing that made my heart beat twice was diving." Yan Suizhi said, "When you **** in oxygen under deep pressure, there will be a feeling that the chest is filled ..."

The feeling of fullness that is almost sour will always give people the illusion-it seems quite satisfying, and it seems that it is not so empty.

At that time, he was always wearing a wetsuit, sitting on the edge of the second floor of the dive boat, his hair was dripping wet, he held his hands, squinted at the sea where he could not see the head, and there were some dazzling jumps. sunlight.

There was a nagging talk by the coach next to him. He used it as a meaningless background sound and listened while being enchanted.

After a short rest, dive into the quieter sea.

Wait for oxygen to fill your heart.

This kind of taste is probably more attractive to the teenager Yan Sui in his twenties than any other poison in the world. It is too addictive.

Later, when he encountered the accident of Master Manson, he tested the feeling of lack of oxygen in the water, and he suddenly felt ... this thing is really boring.

"It seems that I'm pretty good. I took the wrong path before I was in my twenties. I also tried to correct the route and tried a lot of things. If they were still there, it would probably drag me to the ceiling." Yan Suizhi thought about it and smiled, "My mother is always exaggerated, my father is a temperless person, and probably only nods and says," Your mother is right "..."

He said, after a while, Wu said, "It's a pity that I can't hear it."

No matter what he did, no matter big things or small things, even if it was just an anecdote encountered by the roadside, he had no one to say.

After a long time, I gradually got used to not mentioning it.

He was empty for decades, and finally encountered Gu Yan.