I couldn't open the door with my arm alone. When I was in front of the door, I desperately tried to control the injured arm to open the door of the living room, but it was useless. The pain had completely lost the ability of that arm to move.

The grandma behind me followed and opened the door. She wanted to reach out and take Nuonuo in my arms, but I avoided him. I didn't even look at my grandma: "Don't touch her!!"

Grandma's hands stiffened in place.

I ran towards the elevator quickly. It just so happened that when I ran to the elevator, the elevator also reached our level. When the door slowly opened, I saw Dabai, Xiaoyu, and Lin Wei standing inside. , Mom and Dad... and Chen Ming...

When they saw me, they all seemed to be ready to speak, but He Mo just yelled out one word when he saw me, and was shocked by the blood of Nuo Nuo and I, and couldn't say the next thing.

Chen Ming first came over to take Nuo Nuo in my arms, lowered his head and quickly scanned me and Nuo Nuo quickly pulled me back to the elevator, pressed the first floor, his face was tense and unreasonable.

Dabai, they also saw the bleeding wound on my arm, and hurriedly searched through their bags to try to get something to stop the bleeding.

Fortunately, because Lin Wei helped to take care of a few of them on weekdays, she brought some emergency things with her, and at least **** my wound in the elevator.

Mom and Dad held on to the crumbling grandmother, and obviously wanted to ask what was going on, but they couldn't speak at this moment.

I leaned on Da Bai's shoulder, and Chen Ming stared at me in the elevator holding Nuonuo, his brows tightened unreasonably.

The elevator finally arrived. The moment I got out of the elevator, I finally couldn't hold it... After a few seconds of shaking like a white microphone, I plunged into darkness.

The last thing my ears heard was the chaotic screams around.

In this life, no matter how shrewd, there are always times to do wrong things, and there are always some of these wrong things that you can't recall at all, because every time you think back, you regret and want to die.

And the thing I regret most is not opening the door to Liu Meili, but that I actually beat her to death after being stained with blood.

We killed her child... She blamed us, not Nuo, even if she did something, it was not what she meant. She could no longer control her thoughts, she just wanted to raise Nuo, maybe That was the last straw to help her survive, for her who still had the last trace of sanity at the time.

But I didn't leave her even a chance.

She panicked, she lost the ability to control herself, I killed her...

I just killed her...

After waking up in the hospital ward that night, I only opened my eyes, looked at Chen Ming and other people who looked tired, and then closed my eyes again.

There is only one sentence that repeats back and forth in my brain, why should I kill her? ! Why should I kill her? ! why why? !

There was a suspension needle in my hand, which may be some nutrient solution given by the doctor. After feeling the cold needle tube, I squeezed my fist fiercely, and the needle tube came out of the blood vessel because of the tightness of the back of the hand.

I didn't feel the pain, I closed my eyes and thought about wanting to die.

Why are people like me still alive?

Why is it not me who died?

She has been so miserable, she has lost everything, why should I kill her? ! !

Chen Ming, who had been standing on the head of the bed, approached me. He grabbed my wrist with great strength, and then fiercely pulled out the needle tube that had been detached from the blood vessel in my hand and threw it on the ground together with the sling.

He pulled me up from the bed, breathing faster than ever before: "He Mo!" He was suppressing his anger.

I was forced to stand up and didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't know how to face the light of the outside world, anyone in the outside world.

"What are you doing!" Chen Ming's tone was already on fire.

"Chen Ming, what are you doing? She has injuries on her body, let her go!" After Dabai reminded me of this sentence, I remembered the wound on my wrist. The strange thing was that I didn't feel any pain before.

"You all go out." Maybe it's because my parents are also in the room, and his voice is slightly softer compared to just now.

Then the room became quiet, and I heard my father sigh heavily: "Let's go out."

"But he..." Da Bai wanted to say something, his tone worried, but was stopped by Xiao Yu: "Stop talking, let's go out first."

The room quickly became quiet...

Chen Ming was still pulling my arm, and for a long time he said, "Open your eyes."

I didn't respond. To be precise, my body didn't want any reaction. I would rather be dead at this moment.

"Who are you punishing?!" Perhaps knowing that I was ready to pay attention, Chen Ming's tone became tough again: "Who are you punishing?!"

When I wanted to cry to many people before, I would close my eyes to calm myself down for a while, so that the tears would not flow down.

But now...I don't have the feeling of crying at all.

"I didn't punish anyone." My voice was dry, and what I said was like a sound from a broken stereo, which was unbearably unbearable.

"Open your eyes for me!" Chen Ming increased the force that pulled my arm.

Shook his head: "I don't want to."

"why?"

"...There is no why, I don't want to."

After a few seconds of silence, I heard Chen Ming taking a deep breath. He had nothing to do with me, and finally his tone softened: "He Mo...you are right, everything you do is right."

There was a sudden in my heart: "I killed her...you said I was right? I broke her head alive and you said I was right?!

Chen Ming took my hand and interlocked his fingers: "Yes, you are right."

"Chen Ming..." The muscles of my face were stiff and I couldn't control it: "You are the only one who thinks I am right... And, this is not a wrong or good question. I killed her, killed a Ben People who owe you."

"You have to force yourself to die, right? He Mo, do you still want your body? You always live like this, what do you want me to do? He Mo, you open your eyes and look at me, what do you tell me do?"

Chen Ming's words are full of helplessness and grievance. He rarely expresses his emotions. He is too busy and always so busy. I think the time spent with him is not even as long as the time spent in a daze.

I suddenly felt sorry for him.

The mind paused for a few seconds before finally giving the command, and I opened my eyes.

Chen Ming leaned very close to me, his black and white eyes full of grievances. He stared at me. The moment I opened my eyes, he slowly loosened his grip on me and hugged me.

He put his chin on my shoulder: "He Mo, I only have you, understand? I only have you."

That night, I was in Chen Ming's arms only in the narrow hospital bed.

I did not ask anything.

Until the next day... the others came to the ward again.

Da Bai and Xiao Yu's eye circles were red, and neither parents nor grandmother were there.

Seeing me sitting on the bed, Dabai walked over and asked me where I was uncomfortable dumbly. I took Dabai's hand and asked with some distress, "What's wrong with you?"

Da Bai clearly suppressed his emotions, and gave me a fake smile that could no longer be faked: "Nothing..."

"tell me."

She was stunned, looked back at Chen Ming, and then hesitated to say: "Grandma...no more..."

I feel that if we have to rank a person's pain, some psychological pain is more painful than a comminuted fracture of the whole body.

Distressed, it can really hurt people.

"Why?" I stared at Da Bai with wide eyes.

White tears began to flow again. I grabbed her arm and shook violently, and shouted out with all my strength: "Why?!!! Why!!!"

Da Bai and Xiao Yu finally both covered their mouths and cried out...

I couldn't see my hideous face. My eyes were as wide as possible, and tears gathered quickly. If it weren't for the brain's inability to control myself, I would dig out my eyeballs.

He Mo... it's all because of you! all because of you! ! !

What's the use of you crying here? What's the use of crying now? ! !

Cheng Yaojin and Li Kuang, who followed by, were also wiping their tears. Xu Yiwen, who hadn't seen him for a long time, stood in front of the door, and he would be a few steps closer: "...this morning, I jumped from the 7th floor ward. ."

"Impossible..." I shook my head, I don't know what else I can do except deny: "You are all lying to me, grandma must be waiting for me at home, you all lie to me!"

"No one lied to you... He Mo, no one lied to you." Xiao Yu's eyes were already swollen from crying.

I didn’t know where the strength came from, I opened the quilt and jumped off the bed. As soon as I got out of the bed, my feet were soft and my whole body collapsed on the ground. I tried to get up with all my strength, but I can’t do it...I gritted my teeth and beat the ground hard, but Chen Ming blocked him. He didn’t choose to grab my arm, but put his hand on the ground I was beating desperately. on.

I looked at my raised hand... I slapped my face hard,

Da Bai and Xiao Yu immediately jumped up and grabbed my hand: "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to find grandma..." Finally couldn't help, I cried loudly, crying in my throat, it turns out that I can also cry with the effect of howling ghosts and wolves.

Grabbing Dabai and Xiaoyu's clothes, I begged: "Take me to my grandmother, I'm going to see my grandmother... you take me... please take me..."

Da Bai couldn't breathe anymore, crying limply with me: "He Mo... don't do this..."

"Impossible..." I shook my head desperately: "It is absolutely impossible... Grandma is still at home, Grandma is still at home... You send me back, I will find grandma." I cried while crying, because My heart is beating fast due to lack of oxygen, as if it would stop at any time.

Seriously...I would rather it really stop.

Chen Ming hugged me and tried to kiss my forehead so that I could calm down, and he took my whole person into his arms: "I will take you... He Mo, I will take you..."

When I calmed down and waited for Chen Ming to take me to find my grandmother, he twisted my hair, which was mixed with tears and stuck to my face, to the back of my ears, and then slammed my neck with a hand knife.

After waking up.

I went to my grandmother's funeral the next day.

The funeral was very big, but no one came to attend.

Apart from our family, only Chen Yang's family came.

The empty hall, with grandma's coffin in the middle, and wreaths full of wreaths around it, looked carefully at Chen Ming's face and sent it to the show for extravagance.

No one told me the cause and course of my grandmother's death.

I only know that she herself jumped from the 7th floor in the early morning, and knows nothing about the others.

When my relatives paid last respects to the body, I didn't dare to look at it, and I stood still and trembled.

My parents didn't talk to me from beginning to end. They both knelt beside the coffin, and they wouldn't get up if anyone persuaded them.

Da Bai said that my parents had been kneeling all day, and two people had to drive to stand up when going to the toilet.

Chen Yang stood beside me and sighed several times. Finally, he mustered up the courage to say something to persuade him, but was pulled aside by Suotian. Suotian looked at me, and said in a calm tone: "Sorry, pay attention. body."

Without paying attention to him, I looked at the direction of grandma's coffin without a word.

Suotian didn't care, and greeted Chen Ming and left with Chen Yang and others.

In the end... No matter how big the deserted funeral is, grandma still needs to be buried alone in the deserted area.

For medical reasons, I was again forced to be admitted to the hospital.

Except for my mother, my dad and others took turns taking care of me.

Chen Ming never went out again, sitting in front of the hospital bed every day to accompany me in silence.

During this period of time, I suddenly understood why Chen Ming said so little in the past and why he always kept silent.

That's because there are too many words...saying and not saying it is the same meaningless.

Liu Meili's family visited me once in the hospital, and the person who came was her husband.

A gentle and decent man, but the whole person has lost his color when he comes.

He sat in front of my bed, held his hands together, and said for a long time: "We don't blame you."

Looking at him, without the slightest preparation, tears fell. The mouth that hadn't spoken for at least a week opened slightly, hoarse and full of apologetics: "I'm sorry..."

He took a breath and raised his face slightly. I saw that his eyes were red again: "It's Meimei's own fault..." Before he finished speaking, he paused: "It's our fault... .Knowing that there is a problem with the beautiful spirit, I haven't looked up on her yet."

Faced with this, I feel that all my apologies and confession are meaningless.

"She... was looking for me to adopt Nuonuo before she was alive..." I sniffed and wiped the tears from my face: "I didn't promise..."

Liu Meili's husband was stunned for a few seconds when he heard the words, then covered his face with his hands and lowered his head...

He was holding back his grief, but still cried out, his shoulders trembling constantly...

Time flies quickly, and another month has passed since the hospital was in a blink of an eye. The weather finally gradually turned hot, and the air conditioners were even turned on in the wards.

I have been pregnant for almost six months.

The already big belly makes me move a little bit inconvenient.

I still live in the ward, and my mother never came to see me again after my grandmother was buried.

She may know something, or, as I guessed, my grandma's death was actually because of me...so my mother didn't want to see me again.

Dabai and Xiaoyu come to talk to me every day, but most of the time they are talking and I am listening.

I rarely respond. When I suffer from insomnia at night, I always wonder if I have lost the ability to speak, but I am always too lazy to test it.

I have never seen Nuonuo. Li Kuang and Cheng Yaojin said that Xu Yiwen took her away.

Liu Meili bit her finger and some of her nerves were also destroyed. Simply put, Nuo Nuo was disabled, and she could no longer use a hand like a normal person in her life.

This should also be regarded as punishment.

In fact, God is really fair. As long as you do something wrong, no matter whether it is unintentional or intentional, you will end up in your own body after a circle. The whole world is actually conserved.

I haven't been out of the ward door for more than a month. Sometimes the laughter of children running around outside the corridor can make me crazy. Later, Chen Ming quietly sent someone to guard the corridor to make sure Except for doctors and nurses, no one will show up for 24 hours.

This time, I deeply know that I will never be able to adjust.

The people next to me try to avoid all the words that may stimulate me.

Every time I see them talking cautiously, I feel very distressed, but I can't express it. I don't know how to tell them not to do this, because I live so tired for all of us.

At the beginning of the second month, Chen Ming finally couldn't be with me anymore, and Suo Tian came to him personally.

For more than a month, Chen Ming was by my side every day, and I was used to it, thinking that my numb heart would no longer care about anything.

But when Chen Ming left with Suotian, the meaning of my life every day was to ensure that my mother, who gave birth to two lives, functioned normally, was to sit on the bed and watch the clock while waiting for Chen Ming to return.

He was able to make sure that he would come back to accompany me for dinner at around 7 or 8 every night at the beginning, and later it would be one or two in the morning.

I can't fall asleep anyway if he doesn't come back.

The psychiatrist they were looking for came to chat with me for two hours every Wednesday and Friday.

He is a man in his forties, his voice is very gentle and very magnetic.

If he is not a psychiatrist, I would actually be happy to listen to him.

He always has so many short stories and truths to tell me, but in the final analysis, they all imply the same result, that is, life will always experience many things in this world, and let them let their natural past pass to liberate themselves.

I have heard too many similar principles, but if everyone can live according to the principles, the world will not become what it is now.

It was Dabai's turn at the hospital that day. At noon, she went to the hospital cafeteria to have a meal. I hugged my knees and stared at the clock hung on the wall, counting down the time of Chen Ming's return in my heart.

The ward was very quiet, and only the sound of the toilet water pipes and the ticking of the clock could be heard.

I have also become accustomed to this sound.

At this moment, there was a knock on the door.

I didn't want to pay attention, but the knock on the door was very stubborn. After about five minutes, I slowly got up from the bed and walked to the door of the ward and opened the door.

A little girl who looked six or seven years old was standing in front of the door. Her hair was very long and she was beautiful, like a little princess. When she saw me she looked a little timid, but she adjusted it quickly and she grinned. He smiled at me, maybe I was changing my teeth recently, and my front teeth all fell out: "My mother said that Sleeping Beauty lives here."

What I am more curious about is how she avoided the guard at the top of the stairs and came to my ward.

I was a little dazed, watching her silently.

The girl was a little embarrassed when she saw this, but she still smiled and said, "Sorry, auntie... Mom said that I was not allowed to come here, but I wanted to see what Sleeping Beauty was like. She said that as long as I treat the disease well in the hospital, I have the opportunity to see Sleeping Beauty, but I have been there for a long time and still haven't seen her."

After moving my mouth, I still couldn't speak successfully.

The little girl's smile slowly closed, and her face was full of disappointment: "I'm sorry aunt, I disturbed you to rest."

After that, she turned her head and prepared to leave.

"Wait...Wait..." I was stunned when these two words were said, and my voice was strangely strange.

The little girl stopped and looked back at me: "What's the matter, Auntie?"

I stood stiffly in front of the door, some of whom didn’t know how to continue to use my mouth to speak, and only spoke for a long time: "Are you... sick?"

The little girl nodded when she heard the words: "Well...very serious illness."

Seeing her look lonely, I walked slowly to him, knelt down and tried to change the subject: "Your hair is so beautiful."

The little girl grinned again, then looked mysteriously at left and right, and pulled off the black hair, revealing the bald head inside. She shook the wig in her hand and said to me in a daze: "Auntie, don't tell anyone... this was given to me by my father, saying that I will become a little princess if I take it."

"You are the little princess." I reached out and took her wig and brought it up for her: "It's so beautiful."

"Auntie, you are so beautiful too." She smiled sweetly, her eyes dangled twice on my stomach, and asked suspiciously: "Auntie.. Do you have a baby in your stomach?"

I nodded: "Well, there is a baby."

She was surprised: "Can I touch it?"

"of course can..."

The two little babies can already move. They usually move occasionally at noon and at night. As a result, the little girl’s hand just touched my belly. The girl was amused and giggled with joy.

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